Hahahahaha! My husband, Captain Caffeine sent me this cartoon. The Asian and the knitter in me loves this one: My parents taught me to use chopsticks at an early age so they’re pretty comfortable for me. Did you know there are differences between Japanese and Chinese chopsticks? The Chinese ones tend to be blunter and more slippery whereas the Japanese ones are pointier and sometimes have a textured tip to make it easier to grab food. My mom will eat salad with a chopstick, which I have to admit is a bit easier than a fork, for me. Any of you knit? Any of you use chopsticks?

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME ______________________________________________ DATE of BIRTH ______________ HEIGHT __________ WEIGHT ________________ IQ _____________ GPA ______________ SOCIAL SECURITY # _______________________ DRIVERS LICENSE # ________________ BOY SCOUT RANK and BADGES ___________________________________________________ ADDRESS ________________________________ CITY/STATE ____________ ZIP __________ Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If No, please explain:_______________________________________________________________________ How long have your parents been married? ___________________________________________ If less than your age, please explain:_________________________________________________________________________________________________________...

I got this video from my mom since she knows how much I like reading ebooks on my iPad. This is sooooooo stinkin’ hilarious! Source: youtube.com via Camy on Pinterest

But I think this is hilarious! I got this from a friend on Facebook.

Captain's Log, Stardate 05.02.2011 I was looking through some of my old posts that I never actually posted and came across this piece of genius, which I got a loooooong time ago from my friend Winter Peck . Winter just got contracted !!! Woohoo!!! so I figured this was as good a time as any to finally post this. Many of you have probably seen this already, but it always makes me smile when I read it. THE HORMONE HOSTAGE The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life into his own hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, coworker, or significant other. Alternatives to the questions listed below: SAFER: The 1st alternative question listed below SAFEST: The 2nd alternative question below ULTRA SAFE: The 3rd alternative question below What’s for dinner? Answers: Can I help you with dinner? Where would you like to go ...

Captain's Log, Stardate 02.18.2010 No, I do not want to meet a Russian girl, nor do I want to be electric in bed. I am probably already taking more prescription meds than is good for me, so your “cheep Rx” does not appeal. I don’t even know what a “pilules” is and I doubt it has to do with me since I think I’m missing a vital body part for that to work. My name is not “Mr. camys_loft” and really, that could be insulting in some countries. I know exactly what I have ordered and I don’t appreciate you telling me about a bogus order notification that will probably only download a virus onto my computer. You are probably ruining the brand-new computers of poor little old ladies. Shame on you. You are a dummy if you think that if I get a message with a subject line of “hello” and the recipient is someone whose email address I don’t recognize, that I will blithely open your message. Even though my last name is “Tang,” if I get a message with Chinese characters in the subjec...

Daddy's Rules for Dating …10 simple rules for dating my daughter Rule #1 If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule #2 Do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule #3 I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise. You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will tak...

Captain's Log, Stardate 08.20.2009 Camy here: I know I just posted a joke, but I'm sick today and this cheered me up. :) Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card--just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. 1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew! 2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in. 4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here. 5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby! 6. When you are confused -- I will use little words. 7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. 8. Whe...

Captain's Log, Stardate 08.19.2009 I got this joke from a friend who shall remain nameless in case it embarrasses her. This joke is a little gross but it's SO funny! I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Captain's Log, Supplemental I originally heard about this from women's fiction author Deb Raney . I want this for Christmas! Not because I have any Ex's I want to kill, but I just like the look of it. Plus it's PINK!

Captain's Log, Stardate 06.03.2009 I got this from my mom... If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you anytime, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without liquor, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, ...then you are probably the family dog!

Update 5/2009: This was originally posted back in 2007, but I've added a few more quotes and I'm always looking for more that strike my fancy. So comment with your favs--I might like it enough to add it to my list! (I decided to start a list of favorite quotes. Yes, it's rather short right now. I'll keep adding as I find more I like) The beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon.--Robert Cormier "It would be ridiculous for the donkey that carried Jesus to think that all the celebration and applause was for him." A King may move a man, a father may claim a son, but remember that even when those who move you be Kings, or men of power, your soul is in your keeping alone. When you stand before God, you cannot say, "But I was told by others to do thus." Or that, "Virtue was not convenient at the time." This will not suffice. Remember that. –King Baldwin IV, Kingdom of Heaven...

Captain's Log, Stardate 04.22.2009 Captain Caffeine and I have been talking again (I know, marvel concept!). We happened to catch the last show of Rock of Love (with Brett Michaels) season ten or something like that (the boy gets around, that's for sure ... Captain says, "He's a rock star." As if that explains it all), and the Captain remarked, “You’ve got to come up with a really good reality show idea." So, after the Amish vampire kung fu Asian triad idea , creative juices were still flowing and we came up with this: Twelve contestants think they have to learn to live like the Amish in an Amish village. The TV show has remarkably found an Amish village they can film in. The contestants have to learn Amish ways and “survive” for twelve weeks. The last contestant not booted out of the village gets a million bucks. Little do they know ... Come on, what true Amish community is going to let themselves be photographed? The “Amish village” is a fake! The contest...

Captain's Log, Stardate 04.14.2009 So my husband, Captain Caffeine, had lunch with a few friends a few days ago. And they asked about my writing, and if I’d been on Oprah yet. (Yeah, right) They then discussed NYT bestselling books, and why can’t Camy write a NYT bestseller. (Sure, let me just open a vein over a blank page and it’ll come right out.) So Captain Caffeine came home with ideas for my new NYT bestselling novel. First it starts with vampires, because Twilight is so hot. But not just any vampires. This one’s an Amish vampire. And he’s not just an Amish vampire, he’s a cop in disguise, infiltrating the Amish community to protect a witness. (Hmm, that storyline sounds familiar ...) But wait! There’s more! To add more conflict and stick with my brand of Asian fiction, we introduce the Tibetan monk! Who joins the Amish community to get away from the pressures of monkhood. But in reality, he’s protecting the Chinese princess on the run, trying to escape from her father’s Hong...

Captain's Log, Stardate 04.10.2009 I originally got this comic in hardcopy from a coworker, and it's been a favorite for years. Happy Easter!

Captain's Log, Stardate 12.31.2008 Apologies in advance to chicken lovers (most notably my friend Shelley Adina ) but I thought this was hilarious. I got this off the background image of Cheryl Wyatt's Twitter page .

Captain's Log, Stardate 12.16.2008 I got this joke from Love Inspired romance author Debra Clopton : Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb? Woman's Answer: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT AR...

Captain's Log, Stardate 05.27.2008 I got this one from my friend, Tina Russo: You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. Well, this kind of cruel theft is happening with other body parts as well! My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for My thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again. My Butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realised I'd have to give up my jeans in favour of long skirts. Two years ago I realized my arms ...

Captain's Log, Stardate 05.09.2008 This is hilarious! I got this from James Scott Bell: Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks, and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists, or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord: 1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones. 2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. 3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon. 4. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fir...