The Hormone Hostage

Captain's Log, Stardate 05.02.2011

I was looking through some of my old posts that I never actually posted and came across this piece of genius, which I got a loooooong time ago from my friend Winter Peck. Winter just got contracted!!! Woohoo!!! so I figured this was as good a time as any to finally post this. Many of you have probably seen this already, but it always makes me smile when I read it.

THE HORMONE HOSTAGE

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life into his own hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, coworker, or significant other.

Alternatives to the questions listed below:

SAFER: The 1st alternative question listed below
SAFEST: The 2nd alternative question below
ULTRA SAFE: The 3rd alternative question below

What’s for dinner?

Answers:
Can I help you with dinner?
Where would you like to go for dinner?
Here, have some wine.

Are you wearing that?

Answers:
Wow, you sure look good in brown!
Wow!
Look at you! Here, have some wine.

What are you so worked up about?

Answers:
Could we be overreacting?
Here’s my paycheck.
Here, have some wine.

Should you be eating that:

Answers:
You know, there are a lot of apples left.
Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
Here, have some wine.

What did you do all day?

Answers:
I hope you didn’t over-do it today.
I’ve always loved you in that robe.
Here, have some wine.

Comments

Brainstorm - character occupation

Captain's Log, Stardate 03.23.2009 Hey guys, I could use some help. In my current manuscript, The Year of the Dog , which is a humorous contemporary romance, I have a minor character, Eddie. He’s my heroine’s ex-boyfriend, and they’re on good terms with each other. He’s a bit irresponsible, but not so much so that he’s a complete loser. He’s got a very easy going attitude, he forgets to pay his bills sometimes, he’s friendly and charming. He’s adventurous and fun to be around, but he’s a little forgetful sometimes, and he tends to spend a little outside his income. I need an occupation for him. What would a charming, easy going, slightly irresponsible guy do for a living? He’s not too irresponsible, because otherwise readers will wonder what in the world my heroine saw in him to date him in the first place. She was attracted to his charm, his easy going attitude (her family’s uptight, and he was a nice contrast), and his adventurousness. But his forgetfulness and irresponsibility ...

Window shopping

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Chinese Take-Out and Sushi for One

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New book idea a la Captain Caffeine

Captain's Log, Stardate 04.14.2009 So my husband, Captain Caffeine, had lunch with a few friends a few days ago. And they asked about my writing, and if I’d been on Oprah yet. (Yeah, right) They then discussed NYT bestselling books, and why can’t Camy write a NYT bestseller. (Sure, let me just open a vein over a blank page and it’ll come right out.) So Captain Caffeine came home with ideas for my new NYT bestselling novel. First it starts with vampires, because Twilight is so hot. But not just any vampires. This one’s an Amish vampire. And he’s not just an Amish vampire, he’s a cop in disguise, infiltrating the Amish community to protect a witness. (Hmm, that storyline sounds familiar ...) But wait! There’s more! To add more conflict and stick with my brand of Asian fiction, we introduce the Tibetan monk! Who joins the Amish community to get away from the pressures of monkhood. But in reality, he’s protecting the Chinese princess on the run, trying to escape from her father’s Hong...

Japanese language learning process in more detail

I blogged a few weeks ago that I’ve jumped back into my Japanese language learning after being lazy and letting it slide. I’ve been keeping my Japanese language study habit for about a month now, and I wanted to blog about my process in more detail. One thing I had noticed about my Japanese is that I tended not to do it if I left it to do at the end of the day. I realized that it was just like my exercise—if I didn’t do it first thing in the morning, it never got done. So I started doing my Japanese right after my exercise in the morning. I treated it like one of my “frogs,” as I read about in the book Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time . The book is based off of a Mark Twain quote: “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” It suggests doing your “frogs”—your important things that you’re likely to procrastinate doing—first thing in the morning in order to get it done, and ...

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