The Hormone Hostage

Captain's Log, Stardate 05.02.2011

I was looking through some of my old posts that I never actually posted and came across this piece of genius, which I got a loooooong time ago from my friend Winter Peck. Winter just got contracted!!! Woohoo!!! so I figured this was as good a time as any to finally post this. Many of you have probably seen this already, but it always makes me smile when I read it.

THE HORMONE HOSTAGE

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life into his own hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, coworker, or significant other.

Alternatives to the questions listed below:

SAFER: The 1st alternative question listed below
SAFEST: The 2nd alternative question below
ULTRA SAFE: The 3rd alternative question below

What’s for dinner?

Answers:
Can I help you with dinner?
Where would you like to go for dinner?
Here, have some wine.

Are you wearing that?

Answers:
Wow, you sure look good in brown!
Wow!
Look at you! Here, have some wine.

What are you so worked up about?

Answers:
Could we be overreacting?
Here’s my paycheck.
Here, have some wine.

Should you be eating that:

Answers:
You know, there are a lot of apples left.
Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
Here, have some wine.

What did you do all day?

Answers:
I hope you didn’t over-do it today.
I’ve always loved you in that robe.
Here, have some wine.

Comments

I’m done

Captain’s Log, Stardate 05.17.2006 Blog book giveaway: My Thursday book giveaway is THE PREACHER’S DAUGHER by Lyn Cote My Monday book giveaway is BLIND DATES CAN BE MURDER by Mindy Starns Clark . You can still enter both giveaways. Just post a comment on each of those blog posts. On Thursday, I'll draw the winner for THE PREACHER’S DAUGHTER and post the title for another book I'm giving away. Stay tuned. I’m done. At the beginning of the year, I made a goal of three books this year. That’s four months per book. I started this manuscript January 15th. I finished in the wee hours of May 17th, so it took me about four months, a day and a few hours. Yay me. I’m going to bed now. Yes, this is the espresso maker on the right, and a professional coffee grinder on the left. By the espresso maker, I mean the one I promised to my long-suffering husband if I got a book contract, as a reward for letting me quit my biotech job and write full-time.

Romantic guys

Captain’s Log, Stardate 10.13.2006 Heroes: I’m a TV junkie, I admit it. I’m hooked on the new series called Heroes. (It’s like X-Men, but before they realized their powers and came together to become the X-Men. And without the funky costumes.) Okay, regardless of the X-Men type storyline, one of the heroines—a high school girl—is talking to a boy she likes, the quarterback of the football team. He’s sweet-talking her and being very flattering. She says he doesn’t really know her very well. He goes into this romantic spiel about how he notices she draws unicorns in the margins of her notes in class, etc. Now here I pause the TiVo and turn to Captain Caffeine. Skeptical Asian wife: “That’s so un-guy-like! How realistic is it for a typical guy to say something eloquent and romantic like that?” Captain Caffeine: “It sounds romantic because he’s the quarterback of the football team.” Confused Asian wife: “What do you mean?” Captain Caffeine: “If he were a computer geek, he would sound like...

I GOT A CONTRACT!

Captain’s Log, Stardate 03.29.2006 I had a wonderfully funny blog post planned for today, but I got sidetracked by some news yesterday! Zondervan has offered me a three-book contract on my Asian chick-lit series ! I’m still stunned by everything that’s happened. The series is actually a 4-book projected Asian chick-lit series about four cousins who fall under the infamous family title "Oldest Single Female Cousin," and their ruthless, wealthy grandma applies pressure on each of them to improve their lack of love interests. I think the first book is tentatively scheduled to be released in August 2007. The blurb on the series is on my website here . Brandilyn Collins posted to the ACFW loop about my writing journey, and Tamara Cooper asked that I share it. And since you all know how much I like to talk , here it is. My writing journey: Like most writers, I have wanted to write since I was very young. (In high school, I wrote a fantasy novel that will never see the light of day ...

ICRS Tuesday

Captain's Log, Stardate 07.11.2007 I started the day with a great meeting with Al Hsu , an editor at InterVarsity Press. We discussed Asian Americans—fiction, non-fiction, the church, family. He’s been in publishing for many years and is very wise. We had a great discussion. I also met his wife Ellen, who’s totally nice and is also into card-making! I wandered the floor and happened to meet Robin Jones Gunn. She asked if I’d eaten yet, and since I hadn’t, said to join her for lunch. On the way to lunch, we met Mark Mynheir, and he gave me a copy of his book, got The Void . Isn’t that cool? Robin has so much wisdom. I loved having lunch with her. She gave me such good advice, both professionally and spiritually. I hope I’ll get a chance to have lunch or dinner with her at the ACFW conference in September. I met up with agent Steve Laube, and walked with him to his next meeting, but on the way we were hailed by Cec Murphy and agent Jeff Dunn. Jeff had been the first editor to request...

Ironman

Captain's Log, Stardate 11.12.2008 I realize I’m late in posting this, but I just saw Ironman a couple weeks ago and it was FABULOUS! It was the most entertaining movie I’ve seen in a long time. I even liked it better than Mr. and Mrs. Smith (although that flick is a close second). I think because the acting was great. Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow were fantastic. I especially liked how the Pepper character is an older woman with more maturity than, say, MaryJane in Spiderman . Pepper was strong, intelligent, and relatively cool under fire. And did you guys catch the Easter Egg at the end of the credits??? Awesome!!!

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