The Hormone Hostage

Captain's Log, Stardate 05.02.2011

I was looking through some of my old posts that I never actually posted and came across this piece of genius, which I got a loooooong time ago from my friend Winter Peck. Winter just got contracted!!! Woohoo!!! so I figured this was as good a time as any to finally post this. Many of you have probably seen this already, but it always makes me smile when I read it.

THE HORMONE HOSTAGE

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life into his own hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, coworker, or significant other.

Alternatives to the questions listed below:

SAFER: The 1st alternative question listed below
SAFEST: The 2nd alternative question below
ULTRA SAFE: The 3rd alternative question below

What’s for dinner?

Answers:
Can I help you with dinner?
Where would you like to go for dinner?
Here, have some wine.

Are you wearing that?

Answers:
Wow, you sure look good in brown!
Wow!
Look at you! Here, have some wine.

What are you so worked up about?

Answers:
Could we be overreacting?
Here’s my paycheck.
Here, have some wine.

Should you be eating that:

Answers:
You know, there are a lot of apples left.
Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
Here, have some wine.

What did you do all day?

Answers:
I hope you didn’t over-do it today.
I’ve always loved you in that robe.
Here, have some wine.