Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Captain's Log, Stardate 05.27.2008

I got this one from my friend, Tina Russo:

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. Well, this kind of cruel theft is happening with other body parts as well!

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for My thighs.

Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My Butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realised I'd have to give up my jeans in favour of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arms swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those `plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something `lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P.S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

Try to take them now, you thieving bastards!!

1 comment :

  1. Thank you for a Tuesday laugh! I just read "Sushi For One" on Saturday..yep, couldn't put it down. You are very gifted and I look forward to reading the rest of the Sushi series. I especially love the familiar places you talk about like Hwy. 85, Deanza Blvd., Cupertino...my old stomping grounds! Hey, no mention of Miyake's Sushi restaurant? Are they gone now? There was one in Cupertino and one in downtown Palo Alto. I think I had more than my fair share of Saki Bombs there. Memories!! =) Kindest regards,
    Michelle Dean
    Princess.Suzyq@yahoo.com, a new fan