Captain’s Log, Stardate 12.31.04 I feel like I accomplished something today, I balanced the checkbook and filed a few things that needed to be put away. I had a great quiet time this morning, using "Authenticity" by Bill Hybels. He went into methods for journaling and prayer. He uses ACTS: Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication. But my Adoration and Thanksgiving kind of melded together. He also spends time Listening, asking key questions that all start with "What’s my next step in . . ." It was a neat way for me to hear the prompting of the Spirit, bringing up issues and topics I need to work on in different areas of my life: Ministry, People, Family, Personal. I liked how Bill Hybels broke up his prayer into those areas. It’s made me wonder if I should spend more time and paper journaling, versus just writing key praises and prayer requests in my new journal. The problem is that I like how easy it is to find my prayer requests...

Captain’s Log, Stardate 12.30.04 I had a good quiet time today with God. My Bible study is starting a new book, Authenticity by Bill Hybels. The study sessions (six in all) are pretty good, but very long because they ask me to think so deeply, so I’m splitting the session into smaller manageable pieces. Today was great because the study made me realize that I go through my day focusing on my agenda, my responsibilities, my goals. As a result, I miss the people around me. I’m more caught up in my back pain than in how my chiropractor is doing. I’m more focused on how a phone call interrupted me rather than on the person who called to chat. I’m working in my head on the things I’ll say to my boss rather than seeking God’s will for what to do. I read Psalm 46, where David marvels at God’s hand in the things that happen to him, and he affirms his trust in God to deliver and protect him. This made me realize that I need to foster that kind of perspective, to see God in...

Captain’s Log, Stardate 12.29.04 I had a wonderful word of encouragement from Sharon today. She pointed out that I have a lot of fear-based thinking: If I don’t make the right decision, God won’t bless my writing career. That’s so limiting to God. Plus I’m human, of course I’m going to make mistakes. God’s grace is big enough to cover me. If my heart is earnestly seeking His will, even if I foul up, He forgives and He still blesses. I am feeling better today about returning to work. Last night, my husband was very honest about how he’d prefer I have a stable job because he can’t guarantee he’ll even have a job at the end of January. Apparently this coming month will make or break his start-up company. I don’t know what I’ll do if work is so bad that I have to quit, despite not having another job lined up. I guess we’ll talk about it then. He has said he doesn’t want me to work for a bad manager, but I don’t know if he realizes how hard it is for me to return to this com...

Captain’s Log, Stardate 12.28.04 The holidays passed quietly here at home because of my surgery and my husband's hectic work schedule. Instead of a huge family dinner, we had a beef roast done in the rotisserie, silky mashed potatoes (they turned out even better than I expected) and a wonderfully sweet, gooey chocolate Lava Cake with real whipped cream. No cooking something to bring to a get-together, no rushing out the door to be somewhere in time. It was nice. Almost anti-climactic, after the years of family parties with gift-unwrapping and enough food to feed a starving Fraternity. Emotionally, I’m in a hard place. I unloaded on Sharon , poor woman. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Here’s what I wrote: I am wrestling with God. I think He wants me to go back to work. I have been reading devotionals on rejoicing in all situations, and leaning on Him in hardship, and He will deliver me. I want to be willing to do His will, but my heart is heavy. I feel kin...

Captain’s Log, Stardate 12.14.04 The insurance got cleared up rather painlessly. My company admin called because apparently she needs to verify all Open Enrollment changes, and she also had power to add benefits changes for employees. So she added our health, dental and vision coverage. I am rather apprehensive about going back to work. The physical therapist recommended that I not return until January 5th, 2005 , but I am already dreading the day. Today I read Psalm 37 and took perverse pleasure in imagining all the horrible things that will befall the wicked, shame on me. But the Psalm also talks about not fretting and trusting in God, and I need to remember that His hand is over all things. “Pray and let God worry.” So I will work hard at my writing while I’m still home, and thank God for this time. Speaking of writing, it’s slow going. I’m struggling with that scene worksheet for some reason. Well, I sort of know the reason: I have a general outline of events, ...

Captain's Log Stardate 12.7.04 On Thursday last week, my husband got time off of work to pick up a mysterious FedEx package someone had sent us. I found out it was Open Enrollment for my insurance through work. The sheet with my name and password said it was from November 15th through the 30th, but the post-it note attached said I had until "Tuesday noon ." Then I logged on to the system on Sunday and discovered that I had actually missed Open Enrollment. So I looked at the FedEx package and found that it had been mailed on November 29th, the Monday after my surgery (which was on November 24th) and a day before the Enrollment ends. Well, that's just great. Work hadn't even emailed or called me to let me know the packet would be arriving, so I had no clue. Not that I would have been walking well enough by Monday to even answer the doorbell when the FedEx guy came. FedEx tried again on Wednesday December 1st (already past the Open Enrollment due date) an...

Stardate 12.4.04 Captain's Log The day after the ultrasound I peed like crazy and the swelling went down! The blisters popped or seeped or whatever. It was great! But then today there is a little bit more swelling inside my knee--I can feel it when I bend it. But I have an appointment with my chiropractor on Monday so if it gets worse, I can get ultrasound again to loosen things up and get it to drain. Also, last night I had terrible pain along the back of my knee when I straightened it, which hadn't happened before. I stretched my hamstring and eventually the pain lessened, but it was there when I woke up, and after a few more hours in the CPM machine it was back again. Each time I had to stretch my hamstring to make it go away. I hope it's just that the muscle is tight and not anything serious. My poor husband is sick with a cold. He has a mild fever, a headache and nausea. We didn't go to Youth Group tonight since he wasn't feeling up to it. ...

Stardate 12/2/04 Captain's log, supplemental Even though the doctor drained my blisters on Monday, I have more forming each day. I went to my chiropractor Carol Shinmoto today for a neck and back adjustment; since my right leg is often in the CPM machine, there's a weird imbalance in my hipbones that causes lower back pain. That rides up to my neck and triggers bad headaches. So anyway, Carol didn't like the swelling in my knee and the fact that fluid wasn't seeping out through my incisions, but instead forming blisters. She thought something was blocking the fluid from draining, so she rubbed this homeopathic oil on my shin and knee, which really stung at first but then started feeling quite nice. Then she did a few pressure points with her hands, and then she used the ultrasound machine on my knee to try to break up what might be blocking fluid from draining, and to get some movement. After the appointment with Carol, I hung out at my husband's workplace and then ...

Stardate 12/2/04 Captain's log Yet another one finished today: "She's Out of Control" by Kristin Billerbeck From the back cover: Ever been on the verge of buying your own engagement ring? Ashley Stockingdale, the charming but always-in-over-her-head patent attorney from " What a Girl Wants " has finally found the man she wants to marry. But after nine months of dating, it seems her commitment-phobe boyfriend will never use the "M" word. And just when she thinks she's got it all together, Ashley is having trouble knowing where to put it. A massive remodeling project, a hyperactive puppy, and an ex-boyfriend who wants to be part of her life again all keep Ashley's world spinning. As the mayhem escalates, Ashley's life quickly goes from What a Girl Wants to out of control. Camy here: This is a fun romp for those Post-Modern Generation women who know who Jimmy Choo and Lilly Pulitzer are, and want screwball comedy served with a bit of spiri...

Stardate 12/1/04. Captain's log, supplemental: Okay, I just finished another one: "Sassy Cinderella and the Valiant Vigilante" by Sharon Dunn From the back cover: When a professor at the local university dies, Ruby Taylor is hired to fill his shoes. Along with a frozen corpse and midnight intruders, this sassy Cinderella has to deal with lost love and family that defines the word dysfunctional. Deadly university politics turn personal as Ruby works to straighten out a mystery that has more twists than a silly straw. Camy here: I just finished this highly entertaining mystery. It starts off with heart-pounding suspense that hooked me from the start. The drama of Ruby's broken family and broken spirit is interspersed with the clues of a suspected murder, and it really kept my attention glued to the page. Ruby's character is real and flawed, utterly believable and easy to relate to for those of us with past mistakes. She's like anyone who is trying to overcome ba...

12/1/04 Today is three years married to my husband. We nearly forgot about it until I remembered last night. We both think it doesn't seem like it's been that long. One good thing about this surgery is I have tons of time to read. I have two book reviews from the past few days' reading list. So Monday I went for a follow-up appointment with Dr. King. He was concerned about how I was doing since I'd reacted so badly to the pain medication. I said I'm better now, the pain was worst the second day after surgery but it has drastically reduced in volume since then. He gave me a Lidocaine shot and removed the fluid from inside my knee, but there was so much that it had seeped into my epidermal layer, causing blisters. So he sliced open the blisters to drain them and now I feel like a burn victim. The gauze and dressing over the kneecap keeps aggravating the opened blisters, so while the knee itself is actually feeling very good, I'm still in a lot...

"Still Waters" by Shirlee McCoy From the backcover: A TOWN IN JEOPARDY A window smashed. A local teenager assaulted. The close-knit community of Lakeview is panicked when a gang of unruly teens wreaks havoc in this sleepy Virginia hamlet. But Sheriff Jake Reed, a former D.C. cop, seems just the man to put a stop to the vandalism. A WOMAN IN DANGER Tiffany Anderson thought the so-called "crime-wave" was nothing but a bunch of summer boys with too much money and time on their hands. But when she suddenly becomes the gang's target, Tiffany must cling to other faith that God will send a protector her way... A MAN OF SECRETS Keeping an eye on Tiffany in the line of duty, Jake finds himself drawn to the feisty redhead who reaches out to the needy. But haunted by his troubled past, he's leery of spending time with a woman who evokes feelings he'd thought long buried. Then Tiffany vanishes, and Jake can only ...

"Theodora's Diary" by Penny Culliford From the back cover: Saturday 8th May. Emergency! It is 11:30 p.m. and I am suffering from an incredibly intense chocolate craving that will not leave me in spite of prayer, distraction activities and half a loaf of bread and butter. Got out of bed and searched the flat. No luck. Not even a bourbon biscuit. Not even a cream egg left from Easter. All the shops are closed so no nipping out to replenish supplies. Nothing else for it. I’m reduced to the chocoholic’s equivalent of meths—cooking chocolate. It’s been one of those days for Theodora. Her mother has become the Greek equivalent of Delia Smith, her boyfriend would rather watch 22 men kick a ball around a field than go shopping with her, and chintzy Charity Hubble wants to pray for her. And of course, the crowning insult is her utter lack of chocolate. Join in her daily life with all of its challenges and joys, tears and laughter. Camy here: ...