Westling with God

Captain’s Log, Stardate 12.28.04

The holidays passed quietly here at home because of my surgery and my husband's hectic work schedule. Instead of a huge family dinner, we had a beef roast done in the rotisserie, silky mashed potatoes (they turned out even better than I expected) and a wonderfully sweet, gooey chocolate Lava Cake with real whipped cream. No cooking something to bring to a get-together, no rushing out the door to be somewhere in time. It was nice. Almost anti-climactic, after the years of family parties with gift-unwrapping and enough food to feed a starving Fraternity.

Emotionally, I’m in a hard place. I unloaded on Sharon, poor woman. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Here’s what I wrote:

I am wrestling with God. I think He wants me to go back to work. I have been reading devotionals on rejoicing in all situations, and leaning on Him in hardship, and He will deliver me. I want to be willing to do His will, but my heart is heavy. I feel kind of like Jesus in Gethsemane. Please take this cup from Me, but Thy will be done. That sort of feeling, except I'm probably not as willing as Jesus was to do God's will.

I'm supposed to start work next week Wednesday. It's making me a bit depressed. It's hard to feel hope, now that I've once again tasted the life of a full-time writer (granted, a full-time *gimpy* writer). But I really don't want to disobey God like the Israelites did and get slaughtered by their enemies! I know in my head, Who am I to know better than God what's best for me? But at the same time I feel trepidation, distress and dread.

My husband got hired full-time at his start up company, so now he has benefits although he's still not being paid much. That's what made me start thinking I might be able to quit before returning to work, since we don't need my benefits anymore. I don't know how keen my husband is on that. I think he wants me to go back and see how things are, and if they're still bad, then to quit. That sounds reasonable but I can't get my heart to feel the courage to even go back.

I am trying to cling to the hope that God will deliver me, but I am so tired and weak. The stress of going back to work is making it hard for me to write. My husband is not home enough for me to talk to him, because he's so tired when he does get home late at night and he's not up to discussing things. I think I need supernatural courage and trust. Can God give me those? I so want to obey Him but at the same time I don't.

I will continue to pray and look to God for guidance. I am trying not to stress, but to give my burdens up to Him. It's getting harder the closer I get to the date I return to work.

I read through several Psalms today and feel a bit better. There is so much that David wrote about trusting in God, about how God delivered His people and persecuted their enemies. David continued to rejoice in God despite hardship. I don’t know if I’ve quite reached that point yet, but I feel better than I did earlier.

I finally finished my outline for my romantic suspense. I started writing, although it’s slow going. Partly because I’m finally watching Star Trek Voyager season 6, with season 7 in my Netflix queue! Good thing I only have three DVDs at a time or else I’d be plowing through them. As for my manuscript, I finished chapter three last night and worked a bit on chapter four today.

Well, I’m off to watch another Voyager disc!

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Laura’s Apricot Shell Shawl knitting pattern

I usually have a knitting project in mind when I write it into one of my books, but Laura’s apricot-colored shawl just kind of appeared upon the page as I was writing the first scene of Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 4: Betrayer , and it surprised even me. I immediately went to my yarn stash to find a yarn for it, and I searched through my antique knitting books to find some stitch patterns. I made her an elegant wool shawl she could wear at home. The shawl ended up tagging along with Laura into the next book, Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 5: Prisoner , where it imparts some comfort to her in her trying circumstances. The two stitch patterns are both from the same book, The Lady’s Assistant, volume 2 by Mrs. Jane Gaugain, published in 1842 . A couple excessively clever and creative knitters might have knit these patterns in the Regency era, but they would have only passed them around by word of mouth or scribbled “recipes” to friends or family, and it wouldn’t have been widely use

Matthew 22:37-39

Dear Lord, You have done so much for me. I am so grateful to you for sending your son to die for my sins so that I can be renewed, so that I can come before you and feel the comfort of your presence. I know that I am not alone, because you are with me. I want to love you completely and without inhibition. Teach me to be like you and love others as you love them. Your love is truly unending and glorious. Amen 親愛なる神様、あなたは私のために多くのことをしてくださいました。私が新しく生まれ変われるように、あなたの前に出て、あなたの存在の快適さを感じられるように、私の罪のためにあなたの息子を死なせてくださったことに、私はとても感謝しています。私は、あなたが私と共にいてくださるので、私は一人ではないことを知っています。私はあなたを完全に、阻害されることなく愛したいのです。あなたのようになり、あなたが人を愛するように、私も人を愛するように教えてください。あなたの愛は本当に尽きることがなく、栄光に満ちています。アーメン

In-N-Out from A DANGEROUS STAGE

Source: tumblr.com via Camy on Pinterest In-N-Out, one of my fav burger joints, makes an appearance in the first chapter of A Dangerous Stage . It's a chain on the West Coast and Hawaii, I'm not sure how far east they have restaurants. They don't freeze any of their food, it's all fresh, including the buns and the french fries. When you order, you can see them use this french fry hand-crank machine to make their fries, it's pretty cool. The specific restaurant in A Dangerous Stage doesn't exist at that location, but there's a couple of them near me and I go there way too often than is good for me, but it's oh-so-yummy!

No Cold Bums toilet seat cover

Captain's Log, Stardate 08.22.2008 I actually wrote out my pattern! I was getting a lot of hits on my infamous toilet seat cover , and I wanted to make a new one with “improvements,” so I paid attention and wrote things down as I made the new one. This was originally based off the Potty Mouth toilet cover , but I altered it to fit over the seat instead of the lid. Yarn: any worsted weight yarn, about 120 yards (this is a really tight number, I used exactly 118 yards. My suggestion is to make sure you have about 130 yards.) I suggest using acrylic yarn because you’re going to be washing this often. Needle: I used US 8, but you can use whatever needle size is recommended by the yarn you’re using. Gauge: Not that important. Mine was 4 sts/1 inch in garter stitch. 6 buttons (I used some leftover shell buttons I had in my stash) tapestry needle Crochet hook (optional) Cover: Using a provisional cast on, cast on 12 stitches. Work in garter st until liner measures

AI-narrated audiobooks

Google allowed me to create audiobooks with an AI narrator for free of my titles available on the Google Play store, so I decided to give it a try. Right now, Necessary Proof , Unshakeable Pursuit , Weddings and Wasabi , The Spinster’s Christmas , and my devotional Who I Want to Be are all available as AI-narrated audiobooks. From now until March 11, 2023, Necessary Proof digitally-narrated audiobook is free! Pick up you free copy and let me know how the audiobook sounds. If you hear anything weird, feel free to email me and let me know the exact time where you heard it, and I’ll try to have Google correct it.

Quiz from Lady Wynwood's Spies #6 - question 4

The latest volume in my Christian Regency epic serial novel just released, so I thought I’d post a few of my favorite passages from Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 6: Martyr . The laughter died as abruptly as it had started. “Don’t worry, you’ll be suffering even more soon.” The muscles in Jack’s neck drew taut, and he bared his teeth at Michael. “In fact, I want to see you all suffer.” “Why?” Michael asked. “Because you wronged me simply by being born,” he said, spit flying from between his gritted teeth. “And I want you to feel my pain.” QUIZ: Where are Michael and Jack in this scene, in the gentleman’s club or Stapytton House? EXTRA CREDIT: When did Michael first see Jack (in the flesh) without his makeup? I actually wrote this scene back when I was still outlining the entire series, before I’d finished book 2—I stuck the lines of dialogue in my outlining notes. I was just waiting to be able to put them in the book. Start the series with Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 1: A

Toilet seat cover

Captain’s Log, Supplemental Update August 2008: I wrote up the pattern for this with "improvements"! Here's the link to my No Cold Bums toilet seat cover ! Okay, remember a few days ago I was complaining about the cold toilet seat in my bathroom? Well, I decided to knit a seat cover. Not a lid cover, but a seat cover. I went online and couldn’t find anything for the seat, just one pattern for the lid by Feminitz.com . However, I took her pattern for the inside edge of the lid cover and modified it to make a seat cover. Here it is! It’s really ugly stitch-wise because originally I made it too small and had to extend it a couple inches on each side. I figured I’d be the one staring at it, so who cared if the extension wasn’t perfectly invisible? I used acrylic yarn since, well, that’s what I had, and also because it’s easy to wash. I’ll probably have to wash this cover every week or so, but it’s easy to take off—I made ties which you can see near the back of the seat. And

ひとり寿司第３５章パート２

「ひとり寿司」をブログに連載します！ひとり寿司寿司シリーズの第一作キャミー・タング西島美幸訳スポーツ狂のレックス・坂井 —— いとこのマリコが数ヶ月後に結婚することにより、「いとこの中で一番年上の独身女性」という内輪の肩書を「勝ち取る」ことについては、あまり気にしていない。コントロールフリークの祖母を無視するのは容易だ —— しかし、祖母は最終通告を出した —— マリコの結婚式までにデート相手を見つけなければ、無慈悲な祖母は、レックスがコーチをしている女子バレーボールチームへの資金供給を切ると言う。ダグアウトにいる選手全員とデートに出かけるほど絶望的なわけではない。レックスは、バイブルスタディで読んだ「エペソの手紙」をもとに「最高の男性」の条件の厳しいリストを作った。バレーボールではいつも勝つ —— ゲームを有利に進めれば、必ず成功するはずだ。そのとき兄は、クリスチャンではなく、アスリートでもなく、一見何の魅力もないエイデンを彼女に引き合わせる。エイデンは、クリスチャンではないという理由で離れていったトリッシュという女の子から受けた痛手から立ち直ろうとしている。そして、レックスが（１）彼に全く興味がないこと、（２）クリスチャンであること、（３）トリッシュのいとこであることを知る。あの狂った家族とまた付き合うのはごめんだ。まして、偽善的なクリスチャンの女の子など、お断り。彼はマゾヒストじゃない。レックスは時間がなくなってきた。いくら頑張っても、いい人は現れない。それに、どこへ行ってもエイデンに遭遇する。あのリストはどんどん長くなっていくばかり —— 過去に掲載済みのストーリーのリンクはこちらです。 *** ＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊レックスは、携帯のフリップを開けた「ヘーイ、リチャード」「どうだった？」「何がよ」冷蔵庫がブンブン言う音は数秒やんだ。レックスがバシッと叩くと、また始まった。「オリバーとのディナーだよ」「何で知ってるの？」「あいつが言ってた」「あなたから聞いたの？いつから私の恋愛生活に興味が出てきたのよ」「別に……ちょっと興味があっただけ」レックスはお尻に手を当て、リチャードの純粋ぶった顔を想像しながら、冷蔵庫をじっと見た。「今まで『

Tabi socks, part deux

Captain's Log, Stardate 07.25.2008 (If you're on Ravelry, friend me! I'm camytang.) I made tabi socks again! (At the bottom of the pattern is the calculation for the toe split if you're not using the same weight yarn that I did for this pattern (fingering). I also give an example from when I used worsted weight yarn with this pattern.) I used Opal yarn, Petticoat colorway. It’s a finer yarn than my last pair of tabi socks, so I altered the pattern a bit. Okay, so here’s my first foray into giving a knitting pattern. Camy’s top-down Tabi Socks I’m assuming you already know the basics of knitting socks. If you’re a beginner, here are some great tutorials: Socks 101 How to Knit Socks The Sock Knitter’s Companion A video of turning the heel Sock Knitting Tips Yarn: I have used both fingering weight and worsted weight yarn with this pattern. You just change the number of cast on stitches according to your gauge and the circumference of your ankle. Th

Some Like It Clean! Ebook sale

For the month of May, I’ve got three books in Some Like It Clean! , a sweet romance ebook sale— Weddings and Wasabi, Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 1: Archer (writing as Camille Elliot), and The Spinster’s Christmas (Camille Elliot). My books are 99¢ each (but not all the books in the sale are the same price). Those of you who already own those three books might like to browse the other titles to see if there’s anything that looks good! Some Like It Clean! Ebook sale

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