Skip to main content

Lady Wynwood #7 early release Kickstarter

I worked on my first Kickstarter and it got approved! It’s for the Special Edition Hardcover of Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 1: Archer and the release of Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 7: Spinster. I contacted my graphic designer about the Special Edition Hardcover of vol. 1: Archer—it’s going to be SO beautiful! The Kickstarter focuses on the Special Edition Hardcover, but it’ll also include vol. 7: Spinster so that it’ll sort of be like a launch day for vol. 7, too. A third special thing that’ll be in the Kickstarter is Special Edition Paperbacks of all the books in the series. They won’t be available in stores, just in the Kickstarter (and later, from my website, and also in my Patreon book box tiers if I decide to do them). The Kickstarter is not live yet, but you can follow it to be alerted when it has launched. (You may need to create a free Kickstarter account.) Follow Camy’s Kickstarter

Captivating, chapter 9

Captain’s Log, Stardate 08.18.2006

Blog book giveaway:
My Monday book giveaway is GEORGIA ON HER MIND by Rachel Hauck.
My Thursday book giveaway is MURDER, MAYHEM, AND A FINE MAN by Claudia Mair Burney.
You can still enter both giveaways. Just post a comment on each of those blog posts. On Monday, I'll draw the winner for GEORGIA ON HER MIND and post the title for another book I'm giving away.

Arousing Adam:

"True femininity calls forth true masculinity."

I didn't like this because it seemed to imply that women need men. I'm sure many women want a husband, but not all women will get a good one.

And there are lots of single women still struggling with their singleness. Many of them are strong, spiritual women who are truly feminine, but for some reason they haven't met the right guy yet.

This statement implies that if you're "truly feminine" you'll bring out "true masculinity" in a man. I think it's kind of insensitive to imply that those single women are lacking somehow.

Adam's Wound: I'm not sure I agree when they say "every man is wounded." I'm sure many men are wounded, but again this is too sweeping a generalization.

They go on to tell two very tragic cases of verbal abuse to two boys, but they make it seem that those isolated incidents caused the insecurities in their adult lives. While I'm sure those incidents contributed to it, I'm not sure I buy that those single incidents caused all the damage. There were probably other things to shape who those boys grew up to become.

Standing in Love's Way:

"Too many men take their Question to Eve. They look to her for the validation of their souls."

I really liked when they said this, because it's true for both men and women.
Women look to men for their self-esteem. It's interesting to see the male perspective, that guys do the same thing.

Your self-esteem is based on what you think the most important person in your life thinks about you.

If that most important person is a guy, and if you think he thinks you're ugly, that's what your self-esteem will be based on.

But if that most important person is Christ--well, He thinks you're fabulous. There's no price He wouldn't pay for you--there's no price He didn't pay for you.

I need my self-esteem to be based on that truth and not other people's opinions.

"Yes--a woman can offer a man so much . . . But she cannot be the validation of his soul. As men, we have got to take our Question to God, to our Father in heaven. Only he knows who we truly are . . . A man goes to Eve to offer his strength. He does not go to her to get it."

Singleness: My problem with this chapter is that I have a heart for single women. I struggled with singleness for a long time.

And this chapter says things like "Eve was literally fashioned from the rib taken out of Adam's side. There is an incompleteness that haunts us, makes us yearn for one another."

So what kind of a message is that saying to single women? I know many godly single women who are finding their completeness in Christ. Who don't feel the need to marry.

I'm sure there are many women who mistakenly try to find their wholeness in a man, and I'm glad the chapter addresses that this isn't the answer: "Only God can tell you who you are."

As a single woman, I really struggled with this. This doesn't come easily. A part of me wanted a man while another part of me fought to not want a man, to desire God with that fervent desire instead. And that doesn't happen overnight, honey.

The section emphasizes that a man cannot fill us--true, true, true! It doesn't answer the question for single women who don't have a husband, who already struggle with not needing a man. But I guess the section is speaking to women who don't realize that they're searching for validation in the wrong place.

The Holy, Scandalous Women of the Bible: I understand that they're pointing out women who took risks to obey God. But I didn't understand the point of the passage about Ruth seducing Boaz.

"She makes herself vulnerable and alluring to Boaz. She arouses him to play the man. She awakens his desire to be the Hero. That's the point."

And . . . ? What--women should be alluring to the men in our lives? What if a woman doesn't have a man in her life? What then?

Arousing Women: "However it is expressed in the uniqueness of your own femininity, arousing Adam comes down to this: Need him. And believe in him."

How does that make a woman "alluring"?

Single Women: At first I was excited to see this section, then I realized it was speaking to women who were dating but not married.

They do offer some good advice: "Be careful you do not offer too much of yourself to a man until you have good, solid evidence that he is a strong man willing to commit."

This kind of goes against their claims that beauty is vulnerability, but it's solid advice. Sometimes it's difficult to know if a man is "willing to commit," though. But the authors point out for the woman to look to his friends, his lifestyle, his attitude and actions. Those all say a lot about the man himself, who he really is inside.

In sum: I'm trying to be open-minded about how this chapter would really speak to women who are married or in a relationship. I didn't care for this chapter because they never adequately (in my opinion) answered what they meant by being "alluring," and they made the role of a man in a woman's life seem like it was a more major thing than I think it should be.

Yes, we married women should be supportive and loving to our husbands. Being too independent and controlling can be a bad thing, just as being too dependent or passive is also a wrong extreme.

But what the heck does it mean to be "alluring"? I do need my husband, and I do believe in him. He doesn't like it when I become too needy, and I don't push him in his work ambition like an ambitious wife.

And what does this chapter have to say for single women? So much emphasis on how to relate to your man, and their only answer for singles is to "pray, if we are single, that this sort of man or woman will come to us from God's hand."

What? No. This is not what I teach my teen girls. They can tell God their desires for a man, but their focus should be on being content and passionate about God alone. That godly passion will make them into a woman who can be that godly "other half" of a guy, who desires God more than she desires her man.

I think I'm ranting. Forgive me. I guess this chapter pushed a few buttons.

Comments

Mirtika said…
After following your progress on this book, I can tell I won't be buying it. It pushes my buttons, too.

I don't have a problem with the sense of a certain wholeness in a relationship. I can tell you that the love I have in my marriage does give me a sense of wholeness. I don't think that's unbiblical or accidental: I think Genesis shows that the norm is to pair up and grow in love. Singleness is not for the majority--for some. It can be cultivated for godly purposes (as Paul teaches), but it is very normal to want a mate and to put that desire before God. I would never discourage this. In fact, if it was godly for Hannah to plead with God for a child, any woman can equally plead with God for a godly mate. If it was not good for Adam to be alone, I'm guessing it's not good for most of us to be alone.

Singleness may be required of us by God for a purpose, or we may be gifted with it (ie, some are satisfied with a single estate), but I know my life is ever so much better for being a good man's wife.

I don't take kindly to the whole verbal victimhood thing. We're a culture of victims--everyone's a victim. That gets old.

Mir
I will not quit, I will not quit, I will not quit....But I'm glad we're almost done. This chapter made me a little crazy too. Thanks for posting, and being honest. I wonder, does Stasi ever read this stuff about her book, is she clueless about how we're all seeing it? If she did, I think she'd hesitate to write another one. Please tell me she didn't write another one?
PatriciaW said…
I haven't read the book but I've been following your comments. Overall I don' think I'll be reading this one.

However, some of the quotes you gave hit me in a little different way. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but here's how it "hit" me.

"True femininity calls forth true masculinity."

This, to me, seemed to be less about women needing men and more about men being forced to "come correct" when faced with a woman who is confident, self-assured, presents herself well, etc., not trying to be anything or anyone other than who God called her to be. Makes a man stand up straight, if he thought he might be able to approach her from a "slouch".

"However it is expressed in the uniqueness of your own femininity, arousing Adam comes down to this: Need him. And believe in him."

After 15 years of marriage and many years observing others, I have to agree with this. However, I don't think it's specific to men. I think a person is alluring, i.e. desirable, captivating, etc., when that person offers their partner a belief in him or her AND a sense that together they work better than they work alone. If the partner doesn't have this sense, why be with the person? When this is strong, I find that there's greater trust and it's easier to work through issues.

Just my take on it. I bet your hubby finds you quite "alluring".

Patricia W
Anonymous said…
I didn't read all of this. After all, the whole thing is probably too late for me.

But it seems to me that the writers have a few pet words or phrases that they like to use or throw around. I really shouldn't criticize because I know only what you are reproducing here. But most of these people, Christians as well as other psychologists, etc. have pet theories and pet phrases. I can remember reading a book called "Happiness Is a Choice". It ended up depressing me more than I already was. I felt so guilty because I couldn't just "choose" to be happy. It totally backfired on me. And this book was written by Christian psychologists.

In essence, I stopped reading this kind of book. Perhaps I should have read them in a group and it was different then. But still everybody saw something different which was good sometimes, but since we were at different stages in our lives, also sometimes made us feel like fools when others seemed so far ahead of us.
Anonymous said…
As to being single and asking for a man: I've still kept that open. For a long time I prayed that God would prepare me for a man He wanted me for and prepare that man for me. I haven't prayed that in a long time now but I'm still open to it if God intends to still give me one.

So in that way, yes, I think we can pray for a man. But like any other prayer, God will answer it in His own time and in His own way. And sometimes He does say "no". And we also need to be ready to accept that answer.
Gina said…
I've heard this was a facinating read.
Rachelle said…
Oooh, Camy, your post pushed so many of my buttons that I cannot even comment on one bit of it... or I will be ranting all night long. Suffice to say -- THANKS for your thoughtful perspective on this book! Arrrggghhh... better you than me.
Pfingston said…
I need coffee and time to comment onteh study you posted, but in the mean time, I tagged you for a meme!

MUAHahahaha!

(I just really like your answeres!)
aspire2 said…
Camy, I like your readers! You apparently live in the company of the thinking.

The men in our church were going through "Wild at Heart" and our elders asked them to stop because there was so much in it that was unbiblical. Our women were studying the Bible and our men were studying Eldredge.

So much of what is written about men and women is such bunk. Look up Carl Jung and you'll notice some VERY familiar metaphors reappearing in the Eldredge stuff.

We talk a lot about what it means to be masculine and feminine in a class I teach at DTS. Conclusion: masculinity is the fruit of the Spirit on a man; femininity is the fruit of the Spirit on a woman. Beyond that you're trying to define a mystery. So...we should pursue the fruit of the Spirit, not "being alluring" or "being feminine" or "evoking masculinity."

I'm glad you're exploring this topic.
Anonymous said…
When you come right down to it there is little sensible or helpful stuff written for the single. Some Christian writers follow a note in Paul's writing which, to them, says that singles aren't married because they are to be there to do the Lord's work. If you are a single person and are not doing enough of God's work, according to whoever, they say that you are being disobedient or not fulfilling your role.

I really don't think that we can see a single's role in this black-white coloring any more than we can paint the married person black or white. God still made us individuals and as singles or married couples we can do similar jobs for God.

Again, I come back to the question of "What is normal?" in any situation. Is there even such thing as normal given that God has made each of us different? Why cram us all into little boxes labeled "normal" or "not normal".

I think I've had a very hard time with psychology/psychiatry from an early age. My one aunt's sister had taken a year of psychology in preparation for teaching. Whenever she met someone, she immediately started analysing that person. And that literally frightened me. Should anyone with a bare smattering of psychology dare to analyse others and discuss their "findings" with other people? I felt she was doing a dangerous, hurtful thing. In fact, she admitted later that she had "analysed" the man who would be her husband incorrectly. He didn't at all fit the mould that she tried to get him into. However, I'm not sure she stopped analysing everybody else on that basis.

I also think that our society as a whole must truly believe in Freud's psychoanalysis. I, too, have only a smattering of psychology and I would say that as modern people we seem to take the notion of everything being tied to sexuality as Freud taught, very much to heart. Everything has to be sexy. Sex is the bringer of all good things. Ads and commercials must use sex even for the least sexual topic in order to be valid, etc., etc. Ever younger girls for the old geezers so they won't catch AIDS. How God must grieve!

Camy, I guess this whole topic can set anyone and everyone to ranting and raving. Please forgive me too. And this isn't even my blog.

But I'm really glad about what you tell your girls. That is my opinion too. After all, not everyone gets married and why let a bad stigma be associated with singleness. I know people have asked me why I never got married. All I can tell them is that I've so far not found the right person. I doubt I still will but as I wrote yesterday, I haven't closed my mind to it if I know that it's still God's will for me at some point.
Malia Spencer said…
You know someone recommended this book to me but it's sounding like I'll pick up something else, maybe I Kissed Dating Good-bye. It's hard being a twenty something single when society places so much emphasis on being complete in someone else. Still trying to get my contentment in God. :/

Popular Posts

No Cold Bums toilet seat cover

Captain's Log, Stardate 08.22.2008 I actually wrote out my pattern! I was getting a lot of hits on my infamous toilet seat cover , and I wanted to make a new one with “improvements,” so I paid attention and wrote things down as I made the new one. This was originally based off the Potty Mouth toilet cover , but I altered it to fit over the seat instead of the lid. Yarn: any worsted weight yarn, about 120 yards (this is a really tight number, I used exactly 118 yards. My suggestion is to make sure you have about 130 yards.) I suggest using acrylic yarn because you’re going to be washing this often. Needle: I used US 8, but you can use whatever needle size is recommended by the yarn you’re using. Gauge: Not that important. Mine was 4 sts/1 inch in garter stitch. 6 buttons (I used some leftover shell buttons I had in my stash) tapestry needle Crochet hook (optional) Cover: Using a provisional cast on, cast on 12 stitches. Work in garter st until liner measures

Sneak peek: Camy’s Kickstarter Pledge Levels

I’m working hard to create exciting pledge levels for my upcoming Kickstarter! Don’t know what Kickstarter is? Check out this blog post about my Kickstarter. I posted a description of the Pledge Levels (and pictures) on Patreon. Click here to check out the Kickstarter Pledge Levels! You can Follow my Kickstarter to be notified when it’s launched, and I’ll also announce in my newsletter when it’s live. Follow Camy’s Kickstarter here

Toilet seat cover

Captain’s Log, Supplemental Update August 2008: I wrote up the pattern for this with "improvements"! Here's the link to my No Cold Bums toilet seat cover ! Okay, remember a few days ago I was complaining about the cold toilet seat in my bathroom? Well, I decided to knit a seat cover. Not a lid cover, but a seat cover. I went online and couldn’t find anything for the seat, just one pattern for the lid by Feminitz.com . However, I took her pattern for the inside edge of the lid cover and modified it to make a seat cover. Here it is! It’s really ugly stitch-wise because originally I made it too small and had to extend it a couple inches on each side. I figured I’d be the one staring at it, so who cared if the extension wasn’t perfectly invisible? I used acrylic yarn since, well, that’s what I had, and also because it’s easy to wash. I’ll probably have to wash this cover every week or so, but it’s easy to take off—I made ties which you can see near the back of the seat. And

Sneak peek: Camy’s Kickstarter rewards

This Kickstarter is going to be awesome! I’ve been planning rewards that’ll knock your socks off! Don’t know what Kickstarter is? Check out this blog post about my Kickstarter. I posted a description of the rewards (and pictures) on Patreon. Click here to check out the Kickstarter rewards! You can Follow my Kickstarter to be notified when it’s launched, and I’ll also announce in my newsletter when it’s live. Follow Camy’s Kickstarter here

Grace Livingston Hill romances free on Google Books

I wanted to update my old post on Grace Livingston Hill romances because now there are tons more options for you to be able to read her books for free online! I’m a huge Grace Livingston Hill fan. Granted, not all her books resonate with me, but there are a few that I absolutely love, like The Enchanted Barn and Crimson Roses . And the best part is that she wrote over 100 books and I haven’t yet read them all! When I have time, I like to dive into a new GLH novel. I like the fact that most of them are romances, and I especially appreciate that they all have strong Christian themes. Occasionally the Christian content is a little heavy-handed for my taste, but it’s so interesting to see what the Christian faith was like in the early part of the 20th century. These books are often Cinderella-type stories or A Little Princess (Frances Hodgson Burnett) type stories, which I love. And the best part is that they’re all set in the early 1900s, so the time period is absolutely fasci

ACFW booksigning at the Mall of America

Captain's Log, Stardate 09.04.2008 What: ACFW booksigning Who: 127 Christian novelists Where: Best Buy and Sears Rotundas and connecting hallway, Mall of America, Bloomington, MN When: Saturday, September 20, 2008, 1-3 p.m. Why: To meet your favorite authors! I’ll be participating in a massive Christian author booksigning at the Mall of America in Minnesota! You can buy copies of my books there or you can bring your copies for me to sign. I’ll also have a special surprise for the people who come to get their books signed, while supplies last! Here are the other authors signing with me: Mall of America Booksigners Tamera Alexander Jennifer AlLee A.K. Arenz Diane Ashley Karen Ball Janet Lee Barton James Scott Bell Joseph Bentz Terri Blackstock Robin Caroll Patricia PacJac Carroll Jeanie Smith Cash Eleanor Clark Debra Clopton Gloria Clover Brandilyn Collins Mary Connealy Lyn Cote Kathryn Cushman Margaret Daley KM Daughters Susan Page Davis Mary Davis Janet Dean Megan DiMaria Brandt Do

Tabi socks, part deux

Captain's Log, Stardate 07.25.2008 (If you're on Ravelry, friend me! I'm camytang.) I made tabi socks again! (At the bottom of the pattern is the calculation for the toe split if you're not using the same weight yarn that I did for this pattern (fingering). I also give an example from when I used worsted weight yarn with this pattern.) I used Opal yarn, Petticoat colorway. It’s a finer yarn than my last pair of tabi socks, so I altered the pattern a bit. Okay, so here’s my first foray into giving a knitting pattern. Camy’s top-down Tabi Socks I’m assuming you already know the basics of knitting socks. If you’re a beginner, here are some great tutorials: Socks 101 How to Knit Socks The Sock Knitter’s Companion A video of turning the heel Sock Knitting Tips Yarn: I have used both fingering weight and worsted weight yarn with this pattern. You just change the number of cast on stitches according to your gauge and the circumference of your ankle. Th

What's a Kickstarter and what will I get from it?

I’m hoping to do a Kickstarter in late July or early August, and I thought I’d post this to answer a few questions you might have about it. What’s a Kickstarter and why’s Camy doing one? My Kickstarter is a crowdfunding campaign to fund the production of a Special Edition hardcover with dust jacket of Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 1: Archer. Depending on how this Kickstarter goes, eventually I would like to do Special Edition hardcovers of the other books in the series. For all you avid fans of the series, this Kickstarter will also offer an early release of Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 7: Spinster. However, the main focus of this campaign is the Special Edition hardcover of book 1. Kickstarter isn’t a shopping website, but I admit I kind of feel like I’m shopping when I back a campaign for books or items that look fantastic! Why Kickstarter: Kickstarter enables me to produce the kinds of gorgeous special editions that I love and offer them to you, my readers, so you can

Frogs

I know I blogged about this on my Writing Diary Blog , but I don’t think I blogged about this here. I read a few writing and productivity books, and I’ve been trying to form better daily habits. The problem is that my self-discipline is very bad. As in, embarrassingly bad. One of my goals has been to form a better writing habit. Since I’m a full-time writer, I already write every day, but I think there are things I can do to tweak my schedule so that I can be able to focus better when I write. I tend to get distracted by the thought of things I need to do that day which I haven’t done yet. I don’t know why my brain is like this, but I haven’t been able to break this tendency. So for example, while I’m writing, I’ll suddenly think about the fact that today’s the day when I need to change the bathroom towels, or mop the kitchen floor, or change the bedsheets. It’ll distract me for a few moments before I tell myself I’ll do it later and I need to focus on writing now. Then a few

Finished THE LONE RICE BALL!

Captain’s Log, Supplemental Sorry for not blogging yesterday, but I was celebrating! I finished the third book in my Sushi Series, The Lone Rice Ball , in the wee hours on Monday morning and so I took off Tuesday to rest. (By “rest,” I mean I slept a lot and overate at dinner, which was my husband’s smoked pork shoulder. Yum!) I also just got my developmental edits for Only Uni from my editor on Monday, and they’re due at the end of the month. From what I’ve heard from my friend Robin Caroll, she only has two weeks for her line edits, also. This is my second round of edits. My first was my macro edits, which I got on March 13th, and sent back to my macro editor (Rachelle Gardner) on April 20th. We did one more set of minor tweaking before she sent it to my senior editor on May 15th. This set of edits is my developmental edit—also called a line edit—sent to me by my developmental editor, Becky Shingledecker. (She does figure skating in her spare time! Isn’t that just way cool?) After t