Skip to main content

Captivating, chapter 9

Captain’s Log, Stardate 08.18.2006

Blog book giveaway:
My Monday book giveaway is GEORGIA ON HER MIND by Rachel Hauck.
My Thursday book giveaway is MURDER, MAYHEM, AND A FINE MAN by Claudia Mair Burney.
You can still enter both giveaways. Just post a comment on each of those blog posts. On Monday, I'll draw the winner for GEORGIA ON HER MIND and post the title for another book I'm giving away.

Arousing Adam:

"True femininity calls forth true masculinity."

I didn't like this because it seemed to imply that women need men. I'm sure many women want a husband, but not all women will get a good one.

And there are lots of single women still struggling with their singleness. Many of them are strong, spiritual women who are truly feminine, but for some reason they haven't met the right guy yet.

This statement implies that if you're "truly feminine" you'll bring out "true masculinity" in a man. I think it's kind of insensitive to imply that those single women are lacking somehow.

Adam's Wound: I'm not sure I agree when they say "every man is wounded." I'm sure many men are wounded, but again this is too sweeping a generalization.

They go on to tell two very tragic cases of verbal abuse to two boys, but they make it seem that those isolated incidents caused the insecurities in their adult lives. While I'm sure those incidents contributed to it, I'm not sure I buy that those single incidents caused all the damage. There were probably other things to shape who those boys grew up to become.

Standing in Love's Way:

"Too many men take their Question to Eve. They look to her for the validation of their souls."

I really liked when they said this, because it's true for both men and women.
Women look to men for their self-esteem. It's interesting to see the male perspective, that guys do the same thing.

Your self-esteem is based on what you think the most important person in your life thinks about you.

If that most important person is a guy, and if you think he thinks you're ugly, that's what your self-esteem will be based on.

But if that most important person is Christ--well, He thinks you're fabulous. There's no price He wouldn't pay for you--there's no price He didn't pay for you.

I need my self-esteem to be based on that truth and not other people's opinions.

"Yes--a woman can offer a man so much . . . But she cannot be the validation of his soul. As men, we have got to take our Question to God, to our Father in heaven. Only he knows who we truly are . . . A man goes to Eve to offer his strength. He does not go to her to get it."

Singleness: My problem with this chapter is that I have a heart for single women. I struggled with singleness for a long time.

And this chapter says things like "Eve was literally fashioned from the rib taken out of Adam's side. There is an incompleteness that haunts us, makes us yearn for one another."

So what kind of a message is that saying to single women? I know many godly single women who are finding their completeness in Christ. Who don't feel the need to marry.

I'm sure there are many women who mistakenly try to find their wholeness in a man, and I'm glad the chapter addresses that this isn't the answer: "Only God can tell you who you are."

As a single woman, I really struggled with this. This doesn't come easily. A part of me wanted a man while another part of me fought to not want a man, to desire God with that fervent desire instead. And that doesn't happen overnight, honey.

The section emphasizes that a man cannot fill us--true, true, true! It doesn't answer the question for single women who don't have a husband, who already struggle with not needing a man. But I guess the section is speaking to women who don't realize that they're searching for validation in the wrong place.

The Holy, Scandalous Women of the Bible: I understand that they're pointing out women who took risks to obey God. But I didn't understand the point of the passage about Ruth seducing Boaz.

"She makes herself vulnerable and alluring to Boaz. She arouses him to play the man. She awakens his desire to be the Hero. That's the point."

And . . . ? What--women should be alluring to the men in our lives? What if a woman doesn't have a man in her life? What then?

Arousing Women: "However it is expressed in the uniqueness of your own femininity, arousing Adam comes down to this: Need him. And believe in him."

How does that make a woman "alluring"?

Single Women: At first I was excited to see this section, then I realized it was speaking to women who were dating but not married.

They do offer some good advice: "Be careful you do not offer too much of yourself to a man until you have good, solid evidence that he is a strong man willing to commit."

This kind of goes against their claims that beauty is vulnerability, but it's solid advice. Sometimes it's difficult to know if a man is "willing to commit," though. But the authors point out for the woman to look to his friends, his lifestyle, his attitude and actions. Those all say a lot about the man himself, who he really is inside.

In sum: I'm trying to be open-minded about how this chapter would really speak to women who are married or in a relationship. I didn't care for this chapter because they never adequately (in my opinion) answered what they meant by being "alluring," and they made the role of a man in a woman's life seem like it was a more major thing than I think it should be.

Yes, we married women should be supportive and loving to our husbands. Being too independent and controlling can be a bad thing, just as being too dependent or passive is also a wrong extreme.

But what the heck does it mean to be "alluring"? I do need my husband, and I do believe in him. He doesn't like it when I become too needy, and I don't push him in his work ambition like an ambitious wife.

And what does this chapter have to say for single women? So much emphasis on how to relate to your man, and their only answer for singles is to "pray, if we are single, that this sort of man or woman will come to us from God's hand."

What? No. This is not what I teach my teen girls. They can tell God their desires for a man, but their focus should be on being content and passionate about God alone. That godly passion will make them into a woman who can be that godly "other half" of a guy, who desires God more than she desires her man.

I think I'm ranting. Forgive me. I guess this chapter pushed a few buttons.

Comments

  1. After following your progress on this book, I can tell I won't be buying it. It pushes my buttons, too.

    I don't have a problem with the sense of a certain wholeness in a relationship. I can tell you that the love I have in my marriage does give me a sense of wholeness. I don't think that's unbiblical or accidental: I think Genesis shows that the norm is to pair up and grow in love. Singleness is not for the majority--for some. It can be cultivated for godly purposes (as Paul teaches), but it is very normal to want a mate and to put that desire before God. I would never discourage this. In fact, if it was godly for Hannah to plead with God for a child, any woman can equally plead with God for a godly mate. If it was not good for Adam to be alone, I'm guessing it's not good for most of us to be alone.

    Singleness may be required of us by God for a purpose, or we may be gifted with it (ie, some are satisfied with a single estate), but I know my life is ever so much better for being a good man's wife.

    I don't take kindly to the whole verbal victimhood thing. We're a culture of victims--everyone's a victim. That gets old.

    Mir

    ReplyDelete
  2. I will not quit, I will not quit, I will not quit....But I'm glad we're almost done. This chapter made me a little crazy too. Thanks for posting, and being honest. I wonder, does Stasi ever read this stuff about her book, is she clueless about how we're all seeing it? If she did, I think she'd hesitate to write another one. Please tell me she didn't write another one?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I haven't read the book but I've been following your comments. Overall I don' think I'll be reading this one.

    However, some of the quotes you gave hit me in a little different way. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but here's how it "hit" me.

    "True femininity calls forth true masculinity."

    This, to me, seemed to be less about women needing men and more about men being forced to "come correct" when faced with a woman who is confident, self-assured, presents herself well, etc., not trying to be anything or anyone other than who God called her to be. Makes a man stand up straight, if he thought he might be able to approach her from a "slouch".

    "However it is expressed in the uniqueness of your own femininity, arousing Adam comes down to this: Need him. And believe in him."

    After 15 years of marriage and many years observing others, I have to agree with this. However, I don't think it's specific to men. I think a person is alluring, i.e. desirable, captivating, etc., when that person offers their partner a belief in him or her AND a sense that together they work better than they work alone. If the partner doesn't have this sense, why be with the person? When this is strong, I find that there's greater trust and it's easier to work through issues.

    Just my take on it. I bet your hubby finds you quite "alluring".

    Patricia W

    ReplyDelete
  4. I didn't read all of this. After all, the whole thing is probably too late for me.

    But it seems to me that the writers have a few pet words or phrases that they like to use or throw around. I really shouldn't criticize because I know only what you are reproducing here. But most of these people, Christians as well as other psychologists, etc. have pet theories and pet phrases. I can remember reading a book called "Happiness Is a Choice". It ended up depressing me more than I already was. I felt so guilty because I couldn't just "choose" to be happy. It totally backfired on me. And this book was written by Christian psychologists.

    In essence, I stopped reading this kind of book. Perhaps I should have read them in a group and it was different then. But still everybody saw something different which was good sometimes, but since we were at different stages in our lives, also sometimes made us feel like fools when others seemed so far ahead of us.

    ReplyDelete
  5. As to being single and asking for a man: I've still kept that open. For a long time I prayed that God would prepare me for a man He wanted me for and prepare that man for me. I haven't prayed that in a long time now but I'm still open to it if God intends to still give me one.

    So in that way, yes, I think we can pray for a man. But like any other prayer, God will answer it in His own time and in His own way. And sometimes He does say "no". And we also need to be ready to accept that answer.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've heard this was a facinating read.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oooh, Camy, your post pushed so many of my buttons that I cannot even comment on one bit of it... or I will be ranting all night long. Suffice to say -- THANKS for your thoughtful perspective on this book! Arrrggghhh... better you than me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I need coffee and time to comment onteh study you posted, but in the mean time, I tagged you for a meme!

    MUAHahahaha!

    (I just really like your answeres!)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Camy, I like your readers! You apparently live in the company of the thinking.

    The men in our church were going through "Wild at Heart" and our elders asked them to stop because there was so much in it that was unbiblical. Our women were studying the Bible and our men were studying Eldredge.

    So much of what is written about men and women is such bunk. Look up Carl Jung and you'll notice some VERY familiar metaphors reappearing in the Eldredge stuff.

    We talk a lot about what it means to be masculine and feminine in a class I teach at DTS. Conclusion: masculinity is the fruit of the Spirit on a man; femininity is the fruit of the Spirit on a woman. Beyond that you're trying to define a mystery. So...we should pursue the fruit of the Spirit, not "being alluring" or "being feminine" or "evoking masculinity."

    I'm glad you're exploring this topic.

    ReplyDelete
  10. When you come right down to it there is little sensible or helpful stuff written for the single. Some Christian writers follow a note in Paul's writing which, to them, says that singles aren't married because they are to be there to do the Lord's work. If you are a single person and are not doing enough of God's work, according to whoever, they say that you are being disobedient or not fulfilling your role.

    I really don't think that we can see a single's role in this black-white coloring any more than we can paint the married person black or white. God still made us individuals and as singles or married couples we can do similar jobs for God.

    Again, I come back to the question of "What is normal?" in any situation. Is there even such thing as normal given that God has made each of us different? Why cram us all into little boxes labeled "normal" or "not normal".

    I think I've had a very hard time with psychology/psychiatry from an early age. My one aunt's sister had taken a year of psychology in preparation for teaching. Whenever she met someone, she immediately started analysing that person. And that literally frightened me. Should anyone with a bare smattering of psychology dare to analyse others and discuss their "findings" with other people? I felt she was doing a dangerous, hurtful thing. In fact, she admitted later that she had "analysed" the man who would be her husband incorrectly. He didn't at all fit the mould that she tried to get him into. However, I'm not sure she stopped analysing everybody else on that basis.

    I also think that our society as a whole must truly believe in Freud's psychoanalysis. I, too, have only a smattering of psychology and I would say that as modern people we seem to take the notion of everything being tied to sexuality as Freud taught, very much to heart. Everything has to be sexy. Sex is the bringer of all good things. Ads and commercials must use sex even for the least sexual topic in order to be valid, etc., etc. Ever younger girls for the old geezers so they won't catch AIDS. How God must grieve!

    Camy, I guess this whole topic can set anyone and everyone to ranting and raving. Please forgive me too. And this isn't even my blog.

    But I'm really glad about what you tell your girls. That is my opinion too. After all, not everyone gets married and why let a bad stigma be associated with singleness. I know people have asked me why I never got married. All I can tell them is that I've so far not found the right person. I doubt I still will but as I wrote yesterday, I haven't closed my mind to it if I know that it's still God's will for me at some point.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You know someone recommended this book to me but it's sounding like I'll pick up something else, maybe I Kissed Dating Good-bye. It's hard being a twenty something single when society places so much emphasis on being complete in someone else. Still trying to get my contentment in God. :/

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Year of the Dog serial novel

About Year of the Dog : A month or two ago, I remembered an old manuscript I had completed but which hadn’t sold. It was a contemporary romance meant for Zondervan, titled Year of the Dog . The book had gone into the pipeline and I even got another title ( Bad Dog ) and a cover for it, but eventually my editor at the time decided she didn’t want to publish it, for various reasons. She instead requested a romantic suspense, and so I cannibalized some of the characters from Year of the Dog and thrust them into the next book I wrote, which was Protection for Hire . Honestly, I didn’t take a lot from Year of the Dog to put in Protection for Hire , aside from character names and a few relationship ties. I was originally thinking I’d post Year of the Dog as-is on my blog as a free read, but then it occurred to me that I could revamp it into a romantic suspense and change the setting to Hawaii. It would work out perfectly as (yet another) prequel to the Warubozu series and introduce

No Cold Bums toilet seat cover

Captain's Log, Stardate 08.22.2008 I actually wrote out my pattern! I was getting a lot of hits on my infamous toilet seat cover , and I wanted to make a new one with “improvements,” so I paid attention and wrote things down as I made the new one. This was originally based off the Potty Mouth toilet cover , but I altered it to fit over the seat instead of the lid. Yarn: any worsted weight yarn, about 120 yards (this is a really tight number, I used exactly 118 yards. My suggestion is to make sure you have about 130 yards.) I suggest using acrylic yarn because you’re going to be washing this often. Needle: I used US 8, but you can use whatever needle size is recommended by the yarn you’re using. Gauge: Not that important. Mine was 4 sts/1 inch in garter stitch. 6 buttons (I used some leftover shell buttons I had in my stash) tapestry needle Crochet hook (optional) Cover: Using a provisional cast on, cast on 12 stitches. Work in garter st until liner measures

Just another day at youth group

My Christian contemporary romance, Single Sashimi , includes some of the wilder tales from my and my husband’s stints as youth staff workers at our church. The Steven character in the book is actually the same Steven who’s the associate pastor and youth group leader at our church now, since I wrote Single Sashimi when he was still in youth group. :) He’s a young man in his late twenties (maybe early thirties?), and he’s full of great ideas and lots of energy. On one particular Saturday, my husband and I were at youth group as usual. Steven had bought a tug of war rope—the really long, thick kind that looks like it belongs on a sea trawler. The opening game for the kids was, of course, tug of war. Then we came indoors for a three-song worship set. After worship, we usually split up into Junior High and High School for lessons, but this time Steven had an idea: “Okay guys, we’re going to have a tug of war--staff versus kids. If you guys win, we’ll ditch the lesson and go out t

A new tier in my Patreon

I started my Patreon for my fans and for people who didn’t want to buy my books on Kindle. My patrons get each new ebook 2-3 weeks early for only $3 (which is usually the newsletter-only price), and they only get charged when I release a book, not every month. At the moment, I’m releasing my Christian historical romantic suspense series, Lady Wynwood’s Spies. But after I finish that series, I’ll be releasing my Christian contemporary romantic suspense series, the Warubozu Spa Chronicles, and those in my Patreon will be able to get those books early, too. I just added a new $1.00 tier for fans who would prefer to read my books in Kindle Unlimited or buy the Kindle ebook, but just want to support me. Click here to read more about my Patreon. Thank you so much for reading my books!

Grace Livingston Hill romances free to read online

I wanted to update my old post on Grace Livingston Hill romances because now there are tons more options for you to be able to read her books for free online! I’m a huge Grace Livingston Hill fan. Granted, not all her books resonate with me, but there are a few that I absolutely love, like The Enchanted Barn and Crimson Roses . And the best part is that she wrote over 100 books and I haven’t yet read them all! When I have time, I like to dive into a new GLH novel. I like the fact that most of them are romances, and I especially appreciate that they all have strong Christian themes. Occasionally the Christian content is a little heavy-handed for my taste, but it’s so interesting to see what the Christian faith was like in the early part of the 20th century. These books are often Cinderella-type stories or A Little Princess (Frances Hodgson Burnett) type stories, which I love. And the best part is that they’re all set in the early 1900s, so the time period is absolutely fasci

Year of the Dog serial novel, chapter 9

I’m posting a Humorous Christian Romantic Suspense serial novel here on my blog! Year of the Dog is a (second) prequel to my Warubozu Spa Chronicles series. Year of the Dog serial novel by Camy Tang Marisol Mutou, a professional dog trainer, is having a bad year. While renovating her new dog kenneling and training facility, she needs to move in with her disapproving family, who have always made her feel inadequate—according to them, a job requiring her to be covered in dog hair and slobber is an embarrassment to the family. She convinces her ex-boyfriend to take her dog for a few months … but discovers that his brother is the irate security expert whose car she accidentally rear-ended a few weeks earlier. Ashwin Keitou has enough problems. His aunt has just shown up on his doorstep, expecting to move in with him, and he can’t say no because he owes her everything—after his mother walked out on them, Aunt Nell took in Ashwin and his brother and raised them in a loving Chri

Follow Camy on BookBub

Follow my author profile on BookBub! You’ll get an email from BookBub whenever I have a new ebook release and when my books are ever featured there. Click here to go to my Camille Elliot page on BookBub.

ひとり寿司第28章パート2

「ひとり寿司」をブログに連載します! ひとり寿司 寿司シリーズの第一作 キャミー・タング 西島美幸 訳 スポーツ狂のレックス・坂井 —— いとこのマリコが数ヶ月後に結婚することにより、「いとこの中で一番年上の独身女性」という内輪の肩書を「勝ち取る」ことについては、あまり気にしていない。コントロールフリークの祖母を無視するのは容易だ —— しかし、祖母は最終通告を出した —— マリコの結婚式までにデート相手を見つけなければ、無慈悲な祖母は、レックスがコーチをしている女子バレーボールチームへの資金供給を切ると言う。 ダグアウトにいる選手全員とデートに出かけるほど絶望的なわけではない。レックスは、バイブルスタディで読んだ「エペソの手紙」をもとに「最高の男性」の条件の厳しいリストを作った。バレーボールではいつも勝つ —— ゲームを有利に進めれば、必ず成功するはずだ。 そのとき兄は、クリスチャンではなく、アスリートでもなく、一見何の魅力もないエイデンを彼女に引き合わせる。 エイデンは、クリスチャンではないという理由で離れていったトリッシュという女の子から受けた痛手から立ち直ろうとしている。そして、レックスが(1)彼に全く興味がないこと、(2)クリスチャンであること、(3)トリッシュのいとこであることを知る。あの狂った家族とまた付き合うのはごめんだ。まして、偽善的なクリスチャンの女の子など、お断り。彼はマゾヒストじゃない。 レックスは時間がなくなってきた。いくら頑張っても、いい人は現れない。それに、どこへ行ってもエイデンに遭遇する。あのリストはどんどん長くなっていくばかり —— 過去に掲載済みのストーリーのリンクはこちらです。 *** キッチンテーブルの上にごちゃごちゃと置かれている食べ物を見つけた。フルーツが入ったお皿は、すでに子供たちがめちゃくちゃにしていたが、新鮮なマグロの刺身は、巻き寿司の隣にきれいに並んでいた。天ぷら鍋から取り出したばかりのもち粉チキンは、まだ湯気が立っていて、祖母の自家製たくあんが、その隣の小皿に置かれている。 「わあ、叔母さんか誰かが、エビの天ぷら作ったんだわ」トリッシュはエビの天ぷらを紙皿に取った。 レックスはお皿をつかんだ。ここに来た唯一の理由。祖母ですら、美味しい日本食を食べていると

A List of my Free Blog Reads

Curious about what my writing is like? Here’s a list of all my free books and the free short stories, novellas, and novels that you can read here on my blog. I’ll update this post as I add more free reads. Christian Humorous Romantic Suspense: Year of the Dog (Warubozu Spa Chronicles series, Prequel novel) (Currently being posted monthly on my blog as a serial novel) Marisol Mutou, a professional dog trainer, finally has a chance to buy a facility for her business, but her world is upended when she must move in with her disapproving family, who have always made her feel inadequate. When she stumbles upon a three-year-old missing persons case, security expert Ashwin Keitou, whose car she accidentally rear-ended a few weeks earlier, is tasked with protecting her. However, danger begins to circle around them from people who want the past to remain there. Can they shed light on the secrets moving in the shadows? Christian Romantic Suspense: Necessary Proof (Sonoma series #4.1, n

Tabi socks, part deux

Captain's Log, Stardate 07.25.2008 (If you're on Ravelry, friend me! I'm camytang.) I made tabi socks again! (At the bottom of the pattern is the calculation for the toe split if you're not using the same weight yarn that I did for this pattern (fingering). I also give an example from when I used worsted weight yarn with this pattern.) I used Opal yarn, Petticoat colorway. It’s a finer yarn than my last pair of tabi socks, so I altered the pattern a bit. Okay, so here’s my first foray into giving a knitting pattern. Camy’s top-down Tabi Socks I’m assuming you already know the basics of knitting socks. If you’re a beginner, here are some great tutorials: Socks 101 How to Knit Socks The Sock Knitter’s Companion A video of turning the heel Sock Knitting Tips Yarn: I have used both fingering weight and worsted weight yarn with this pattern. You just change the number of cast on stitches according to your gauge and the circumference of your ankle. Th