Skip to main content

Politeness or comfortableness?

Captain's Log, Stardate 01.08.2008

I'm in an emotional quandary.

I offered to do something for a friend. She said, "Great!" and gave me the info I'd need.

No "thanks," "thank you," etc.

Am I just too old-fashioned, that I expect a "thank you" if someone offers to do something for you?

It also occurred to me that maybe this friend feels so comfortable with me, she assumes she doesn't need to say thanks, that I already know she's thankful.

But something in me just wars against that kind of thinking. I don't care how comfortable you are with me, or how long we've been friends--I want a polite "thank you" if I'm doing you a favor.

What do you guys think? How do you teach your kids about stuff like this?

Comments

Ausjenny said…
Camy I dont have kids but i do think a thankyou would be appropiate.
If i ask someone to do something for me i always say thanks. its something thats just manners.
even if you are very comfortable with others manners doesn't hurt and is often more so.
Sheryl said…
"Thank you" is always appropriate, and it's sad that in our society today it seems to be the exception and not the rule to say "thanks."

So, while I'm on the subject ... thanks for the great blog posts Camy! You always make my day :-)
Melissa Markham said…
Camy, thank you is always appropriate. After Christmas and Birthdays, the children and I write thank you notes and before we go to any gift giving function I always remind them to say thank you and be appreciative whether they like the gift or not.
Geekwif said…
"Thank you" is always important, perhaps even more so with someone close to you. Seems to me a lack of appreciation for a kind deed done may just be one of the (many) problems plaguing our society today. (Don't even get me started on entitlement!)

Maybe she's figuring she'll thank you when the deed is done, but she should be appreciative of the offer as well.
Delia said…
I agree with everyone else. A "thank you" is always a good thing. No matter how comfortable you are with someone, it's nice to show them that you appreciate what they're doing/have done for you or just plain ol' appreciate them.

I'm a mean mom. If someone gives something to my children and they don't say "thank you", I gently remind them. Still no "thank you", I firmly remind them. After that, if they still don't say it, I make them give their gift back. If they don't/can't appreciate it, then they don't need it. I haven't had to do that in a loooonnng time though.
Becky said…
Camy, I was just thinking about this! I also recently offered to do something for an acquaintance. I didn't mind doing it, but it definitely required me to change my plans in order to help them out. But no thank you was uttered. I think gratitude is a form of love, like showing someone you appreciate who they are. When I have kids, you better believe they will be instructed in this form of politeness!
Anonymous said…
Hi, Camy. The good news is that each of us can stand out from the crowd with a simple "Thanks." And that's significant, because simple words like "sorry" and "thank you," or even just saying someone's name, make a big difference.

And on that note, thank you for writing about this. Good post.

-TimK
PatriciaW said…
Camy, thank you is always appropriate. With my kids, we start them off with "please" and "thank you" as soon as they start talking, although it comes out more like "peas" or "beas" and "an u" at first.

But I also know, for myself who hustles and bustles from early AM to late PM every day, that occasionally I forget what my mother taught me. My mind is moving off to the next thing before I finish the last.

Usually I'll remember that I neglected my manners or a niggling question will make me wonder, in which case I'll back track and ask, "Did I say thank you? If not, I meant too. Thank you much." or simply "Just wanted to thank you for ..."

So perhaps it was simply an unintentional ommission, unless that person exhibits a pattern of neglect. I'm a big believer in "benefit of the doubt" until evidence suggests otherwise.

Thanks for an interesting topic!
Malia Spencer said…
Hmm, what a thing to think about. I know I've been guilty of unintentionally forgetting to say thank you, usually when I'm in a busy situation. When it occurs to me later, I'll say it but then again when things are ongoing I forget to say it because I assume the person already knows I'm grateful because I said it before. It also made me wonder if I've recently thanked my friends for being friends. Somehow I don't think so.

So here's part of it.

Camy, thank you for all the prayers, love and support over the years. You're a far better friend than I ever deserve, but I value you more than you'll ever know.
Ronie Kendig said…
Thank you is not only appropriate, it's considerate and shows respect. I, too, am sorry for the times I have not conveyed my gratitude. YOu are such a sweet, caring, giving person! (yes, I did say SWEET!).

Hugs!!!!
Angie Poole said…
Luk 6:30 Give to everyone who asks from you, and from one who takes away your things, don't ask for them back.
Luk 6:31 Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them.
Luk 6:32 If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.

Yeah, I'm still learning too.
Um, did I thank you for the book?!? 'Cause I'm, like, totally thankful! :-)
Julie Carobini said…
Yeah, I'm kind of a thank you fiend. But I admit that my bff and I have had a deal ever since our kids were babies (and now two each our teens) that we didn't have to send thank yous for presents. Although it's a nec. thing for polite society, we wanted to save each other the trouble. We don't even clean our houses when the other comes over.

So maybe this friend thinks he/she is your bff? :))
Anonymous said…
As a teacher, I think Thank you's are very important and try to send Thank You notes to my students whenever they bring something to show appreciation. It's a big job, especially on holidays, but that's how important I think it is! It's setting an example of gratitude and thanksgiving which is definitely a Biblical principle. ("In EVERYTHING give thanks..." - even to good friends!)
L.Stewart

Popular Posts

I got my cover!

Captain’s Log, Supplemental Blog book giveaway: To enter, go to the blog links below and post a comment there. Eyes of Elisha by Brandilyn Collins Tangerine by Marilynn Griffith I GOT MY COVER!!!! What do you guys think?

Toilet seat cover

Captain’s Log, Supplemental Update August 2008: I wrote up the pattern for this with "improvements"! Here's the link to my No Cold Bums toilet seat cover ! Okay, remember a few days ago I was complaining about the cold toilet seat in my bathroom? Well, I decided to knit a seat cover. Not a lid cover, but a seat cover. I went online and couldn’t find anything for the seat, just one pattern for the lid by Feminitz.com . However, I took her pattern for the inside edge of the lid cover and modified it to make a seat cover. Here it is! It’s really ugly stitch-wise because originally I made it too small and had to extend it a couple inches on each side. I figured I’d be the one staring at it, so who cared if the extension wasn’t perfectly invisible? I used acrylic yarn since, well, that’s what I had, and also because it’s easy to wash. I’ll probably have to wash this cover every week or so, but it’s easy to take off—I made ties which you can see near the back of the seat. And...

Cover Reveal + New Logo for Year of the Dog, a Mahina Security Novel

A New Look for Year of the Dog (and a Behind-the-Scenes Oops!) What do a dog trainer, a security expert, and a nearly-naked book cover have in common? Let me explain. 😅 Year of the Dog is the first book in my Christian romantic suspense series, Mahina Security, set in beautiful (and sometimes dangerous) Hawaii. It features quirky humor, family tensions, sweet romance, and a mystery involving a missing person—and it’s now available to read in the Christian suspense anthology, Danger in the Shadows , on Kindle Unlimited ! But before that happened, I had a bit of a cover mishap… While creating the ebook cover, I realized that the original stock photo made my heroine look, well, completely nekkid. 😳 She’s actually wearing a tube top in the image, but when I cropped it for the ebook, the top disappeared—leaving her looking very PG-13. To fix it, I did some Canva magic on a strappy top from another image and stuck it onto the model (so she’s decent now). But when I resize...

Excerpt - A HUNDRED YEARS OF HAPPINESS by Nicole Seitz

Captain's Log, Stardate 03.05.2009 Update: Sorry, this giveaway is closed. A Hundred Years of Happiness by Nicole Seitz A beautiful young woman. An American soldier. A war-torn country. Nearly forty years of silence. Now, two daughters search for the truth they hope will set them free and the elusive peace their parents have never found. In the South Carolina Lowcountry, a young mother named Katherine Ann is struggling to help her tempestuous father, by plunging into a world of secrets he never talks about. A fry cook named Lisa is trying desperately to reach her grieving Vietnamese mother, who has never fully adjusted to life in the States. And somewhere far away, a lost soul named Ernest is drifting, treading water, searching for what he lost on a long-ago mountain. They're all longing for connection. For the war that touched them to finally end. For their hundred years of happiness at long last to begin. From the beloved author of The Spirit of Sweetgrass...

Favorite chocolate?

Captain's Log, Stardate 04.22.2008 Lately I’ve been on this chocolate kick. Normally, I’m not a huge chocoholic like Captain Caffeine. I enjoy chocolate, but if given a choice, I’ll usually choose a fruit or custard/creamy dessert over a triple decadence chocolate layer cake or a chocolate-lovers’ downfall brownie. But lately, I’ve been eating dark chocolate squares. I think it started when I went into Joseph Schmidt gourmet chocolate shop in Santana Row. We’d gotten Joseph Schmidt truffles for Christmas, and they’d been fabulous—I can honestly say that they were as good as DeBrand truffles (author Colleen Coble’s favorite). So when I saw the brick and mortar shop in Santana Row, I went in immediately. Inside, this man was buying up stacks—and I kid you not, stacks —of the Joseph Schmidt Belgian Dark Chocolate bars. He raved about them, said they were terrific. A cashier was restocking the display case the man had cleaned out, and I snagged a bar. “I’ve got to try one, after watc...