Fear

Captain's Log, Stardate 07.09.2005

Okay, I should be writing but I'd like to share this.

The past three days I did some intense praying about my job. My friend Marilyn Hilton pointed out something I hadn't realized I was doing--praying out of fear.

Fear that I wasn't hearing God. Fear that I hadn't truly submitted myself to Him. Fear that I was worshiping my own desires as idols. Fear that I would choose a course out of His will. Fear that I'd disappoint Him.

The funny thing is, a few months ago my friend Sharon Hinck noticed I was doing the same thing--praying out of fear. I honestly didn't think I was fearful. But maybe it's that I don't have a complete understanding of God's LOVE. Not that I could ever truly understand His love, but maybe I don't even have a grasp of the finger of His love I could comprehend.

The past few weeks, God has been revealing to me just how much He really does love me--me specifically. Out of everyone in the world He knows and cares about me. He is so overwhelmingly loving that it brings me to tears when I can feel His presence during my prayers.

After realizing I was praying out of fear, my prayers changed. I didn't suddenly hear God's booming voice about my job direction, but I did feel more at peace.

I need to work on this fear thing, and this love thing.

I didn't get clear direction, but I did get snippets of things from my time with God. Lots of verses on how He will provide abundantly, give me the desires of my heart. (That was rather exciting!) And lots of verses on patience, waiting on the Lord. (Okay, not so exciting.)

I also heard a clear voice in my ear: "Come out from them and be separate." It could mean several things, I'll need to pray more. Please pray with me.

So I think I'll wait until after the conference in Reno before I do anything about work. Also, CBA is this coming week, I believe. I'll see if anything comes up from that.

One great thing I realized from this time of prayer is that I need to do this more often. Spending dedicated time with God refreshed me far beyond what I expected. I wonder if I can do something like this once a month from now on. I think I'll try.

Comments

Anonymous said…

I've always wondered, does God hear "silent prayers", i.e. where I'm praying in my mind while driving, riding on the bus, lying in bed, etc? I hope so, since a majority of my prayers are done that way. :-I

btw, I stumbled onto your blog,
and have enjoyed reading, esp.
from other Asian Christians.

Ann

Sun Jul 10, 03:50:00 PM 2005

Camy Tang said…

Hi Ann!

I definitely think God hears our silent (or even distracted!) prayers. As the culture becomes more hyper-stimulated, people become more frantic, but God keeps up with us. He wouldn't be God if He didn't.

Thanks for visiting my blog!

Camy

Sun Jul 10, 03:57:00 PM 2005

Anonymous said…

Wow, what a fast response! :-)

I've always wondered, if there was
a "right" way to pray, i.e. must
it be done by saying words out loud, but it's nice to know that God is listening when I "speak" to Him in my mind. (I'm a non-denominatinal
Christian).

btw, also, reading your blog
is inspiring. Keep up the good work!

Take care, Ann

Sun Jul 10, 04:03:00 PM 2005

Camy Tang said…

LOL--how neat we're online the same time.

Don't get me wrong, God does want dedicated prayer time from us. Just recently, my youth group pastor has been working on upping his prayer life, because he knows God can work more powerfully through him and in the entire youth group when he's got that strong prayer line to heaven.

I try to spend some time in quiet prayer with God each day. It really does help me physically, emotionally, and spiritually when I take time out of the busy-ness to stop, listen, and chat with Him. It's just that with the days filling up with more stuff to do, I often rely on "drive-by" prayers, too. :)

Camy

Sun Jul 10, 04:10:00 PM 2005

Tabi socks, part deux

Captain's Log, Stardate 07.25.2008 (If you're on Ravelry, friend me! I'm camytang.) I made tabi socks again! (At the bottom of the pattern is the calculation for the toe split if you're not using the same weight yarn that I did for this pattern (fingering). I also give an example from when I used worsted weight yarn with this pattern.) I used Opal yarn, Petticoat colorway. It’s a finer yarn than my last pair of tabi socks, so I altered the pattern a bit. Okay, so here’s my first foray into giving a knitting pattern. Camy’s top-down Tabi Socks I’m assuming you already know the basics of knitting socks. If you’re a beginner, here are some great tutorials: Socks 101 How to Knit Socks The Sock Knitter’s Companion A video of turning the heel Sock Knitting Tips Yarn: I have used both fingering weight and worsted weight yarn with this pattern. You just change the number of cast on stitches according to your gauge and the circumference of your ankle. Th...

Excerpt - A HUNDRED YEARS OF HAPPINESS by Nicole Seitz

Captain's Log, Stardate 03.05.2009 Update: Sorry, this giveaway is closed. A Hundred Years of Happiness by Nicole Seitz A beautiful young woman. An American soldier. A war-torn country. Nearly forty years of silence. Now, two daughters search for the truth they hope will set them free and the elusive peace their parents have never found. In the South Carolina Lowcountry, a young mother named Katherine Ann is struggling to help her tempestuous father, by plunging into a world of secrets he never talks about. A fry cook named Lisa is trying desperately to reach her grieving Vietnamese mother, who has never fully adjusted to life in the States. And somewhere far away, a lost soul named Ernest is drifting, treading water, searching for what he lost on a long-ago mountain. They're all longing for connection. For the war that touched them to finally end. For their hundred years of happiness at long last to begin. From the beloved author of The Spirit of Sweetgrass...

Z Sales Meeting

Captain’s Log, Supplemental My trip to Grand Rapids: My trip went so great! I’m hoping I remembered people’s names correctly. I arrived in Grand Rapids around 3 in the afternoon, and Joyce Ondersma (Author Relations) picked me up at the airport. I’d met Joyce last year at ICRS and she’s a wonderful person. She has glorious red hair that I totally envy. We had dinner with Sue Brower (Senior Editor) and Sherry Guzy (Marketing Director). I also met Marla Bliss and Karwyn Bursma (Marketing Director for Fiction Inspiration) and Joe Questel, who’s part of the Sales department. We had these Bang-Bang shrimp appetizers that were a blast! (heheh) They were really spicy but really good. I fought Joe for them. The day at Zondervan was fabulous. First I was shown to a separate “author lounge.” Now isn’t that just way cool? They actually had my name on the door—well, underneath John Ortberg, pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian church (I had gone to Menlo Park Pres a few times when I was in college) ...

I GOT A 3-BOOK CONTRACT WITH ZONDERVAN!

Captain's Log, Supplemental My agent called me today with the great news! Zondervan has contracted me for another three books! Right now, they’re all stand alone books—not a series. The first book is slated to release May 2010 and is tentatively titled The Year of the Dog (they’ll probably change it). It’s a women’s contemporary novel. Here’s the back cover blurb from my proposal: Tessa Ota, a professional dog trainer, is having a bad year. While moving ahead with renovation plans for her new dog kenneling and training facility, Tessa needs to move in with her disapproving mother and her antagonist sister. She convinces her ex-boyfriend to take her dog for a few months … but discovers that his brother is the irate engineer whose car she rammed a few weeks earlier. Charles Bretton has enough problems. His mama has just shown up on his doorstep all the way from Louisiana, and his brother has to move in with him after being kicked out of his apartment—with a dog in tow. And guess who...

Toilet seat cover

Captain’s Log, Supplemental Update August 2008: I wrote up the pattern for this with "improvements"! Here's the link to my No Cold Bums toilet seat cover ! Okay, remember a few days ago I was complaining about the cold toilet seat in my bathroom? Well, I decided to knit a seat cover. Not a lid cover, but a seat cover. I went online and couldn’t find anything for the seat, just one pattern for the lid by Feminitz.com . However, I took her pattern for the inside edge of the lid cover and modified it to make a seat cover. Here it is! It’s really ugly stitch-wise because originally I made it too small and had to extend it a couple inches on each side. I figured I’d be the one staring at it, so who cared if the extension wasn’t perfectly invisible? I used acrylic yarn since, well, that’s what I had, and also because it’s easy to wash. I’ll probably have to wash this cover every week or so, but it’s easy to take off—I made ties which you can see near the back of the seat. And...

Search This Blog