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Captain's Log, Stardate 07.09.2005

Okay, I should be writing but I'd like to share this.

The past three days I did some intense praying about my job. My friend Marilyn Hilton pointed out something I hadn't realized I was doing--praying out of fear.

Fear that I wasn't hearing God. Fear that I hadn't truly submitted myself to Him. Fear that I was worshiping my own desires as idols. Fear that I would choose a course out of His will. Fear that I'd disappoint Him.

The funny thing is, a few months ago my friend Sharon Hinck noticed I was doing the same thing--praying out of fear. I honestly didn't think I was fearful. But maybe it's that I don't have a complete understanding of God's LOVE. Not that I could ever truly understand His love, but maybe I don't even have a grasp of the finger of His love I could comprehend.

The past few weeks, God has been revealing to me just how much He really does love me--me specifically. Out of everyone in the world He knows and cares about me. He is so overwhelmingly loving that it brings me to tears when I can feel His presence during my prayers.

After realizing I was praying out of fear, my prayers changed. I didn't suddenly hear God's booming voice about my job direction, but I did feel more at peace.

I need to work on this fear thing, and this love thing.

I didn't get clear direction, but I did get snippets of things from my time with God. Lots of verses on how He will provide abundantly, give me the desires of my heart. (That was rather exciting!) And lots of verses on patience, waiting on the Lord. (Okay, not so exciting.)

I also heard a clear voice in my ear: "Come out from them and be separate." It could mean several things, I'll need to pray more. Please pray with me.

So I think I'll wait until after the conference in Reno before I do anything about work. Also, CBA is this coming week, I believe. I'll see if anything comes up from that.

One great thing I realized from this time of prayer is that I need to do this more often. Spending dedicated time with God refreshed me far beyond what I expected. I wonder if I can do something like this once a month from now on. I think I'll try.


Anonymous said…
I've always wondered, does God hear "silent prayers", i.e. where I'm praying in my mind while driving, riding on the bus, lying in bed, etc? I hope so, since a majority of my prayers are done that way. :-I

btw, I stumbled onto your blog,
and have enjoyed reading, esp.
from other Asian Christians.

Camy Tang said…
Hi Ann!

I definitely think God hears our silent (or even distracted!) prayers. As the culture becomes more hyper-stimulated, people become more frantic, but God keeps up with us. He wouldn't be God if He didn't.

Thanks for visiting my blog!

Anonymous said…
Wow, what a fast response! :-)

I've always wondered, if there was
a "right" way to pray, i.e. must
it be done by saying words out loud, but it's nice to know that God is listening when I "speak" to Him in my mind. (I'm a non-denominatinal

btw, also, reading your blog
is inspiring. Keep up the good work!

Take care, Ann
Camy Tang said…
LOL--how neat we're online the same time.

Don't get me wrong, God does want dedicated prayer time from us. Just recently, my youth group pastor has been working on upping his prayer life, because he knows God can work more powerfully through him and in the entire youth group when he's got that strong prayer line to heaven.

I try to spend some time in quiet prayer with God each day. It really does help me physically, emotionally, and spiritually when I take time out of the busy-ness to stop, listen, and chat with Him. It's just that with the days filling up with more stuff to do, I often rely on "drive-by" prayers, too. :)


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