Wrestling

Captain's Log, Stardate 05.14.2005

I've been struggling lately with work. I want to write full-time, but at the same time I want to obey God's will and wait for Him. I've been praying for contentment with my job until He sets me free.

In wrestling with my yearning, I realized that it's like when I was single and yearning for a boyfriend. I wanted to wait for God's timing, even though I was tempted to go out and make things happen for myself. It was such a difficult time for me. Here again I'm going through something similar, yearning and waiting and wrestling and struggling and pouting.

Will there always be something in my life I'm yearning for? Is this just a pattern that will repeat itself over and over again? I had convinced myself that once I could write full-time (meaning I would make enough so that we wouldn't be financially strapped), this yearning would stop. But maybe I'd just yearn for something else.

So I've been praying for contentment and patience. Yes, I know that's a dangerous thing to pray for, but I know that's what God wants me to learn. It's just like it was before when I wanted a boyfriend/soulmate/husband--God wanted to teach me contentment and patience. I must not have learned enough, LOL.

In the meantime, I'm working on my suspense proposal again. I can't ever write full-time if I never get another proposal out there, if I never write more and more manuscripts. I'm sifting through critiques some friends made of my manuscript.

I'm so blessed to have friends who look over my stuff for me. They are honest and encouraging at the same time, and I know that they're filled with the Holy Spirit. Their spiritual guidance has influenced me more than anything else. I am so happy to have such wonderful sisters in Christ. They truly are the sisters I never had, and I'll be happy to see them in Nashville at the ACFW conference this year.

Writing: I'd like to get my website moved to a new, ad-free server soon, and to set up a monthly contest for readers. I'm wondering if I could approach authors I know relatively well to ask them to sell me signed copies of their book at their authors' cost. Is that poor writers etiquette?

Diet: I'll go running with the dog right now, and tonight we get free dinner for youth group meeting since most people are at Great America listening to a bunch of Christian music artists performing there today. It is hot as hot as hot today. I might cut the run short.