Book review and Interview with Victorya Rogers

Captain's Log, Stardate 02.29.2008

The Automatic 2nd Date
by
Victorya Rogers

I received a copy of The Automatic 2nd Date, and it’s been very eye-opening even though I’m no longer dating. Since I target a lot of teenaged and 20-something women, and since many of my readers are single, I thought I ought to see what the book’s about.

The tone is very enthusiastic and positive. I enjoyed the spirit of the writer as I read. It’s an uplifting, upbeat book, and yet she also gives a great deal of practical tips, so it will appeal both to women who want an encouraging book and women who want a more pragmatic book.

I also have an interview with Victorya today! Enjoy!

I must say that too often dating is a part of life filled with dread and disappointment. Is there a way to approach dating and avoid those results? Dating Coach and author of The Automatic 2nd Date Victorya Rogers says there is indeed. She says her dating secrets also remove the anxiety from the process and help any woman transform her dating experience. Following are some of her dating tips.

CAMY: Your new book offers a unique dating approach. Why focus so much on getting a 2nd date?

VICTORYA: If you can’t get past the first date, you won’t be booking a honeymoon anytime soon. The sad thing is ladies who would really be great catches are just blowing it and scaring their dates away by making silly, careless mistakes on their first dates—like talking too much, obsessing on exes, talking about marriage, calling the guy before or after the first date. If they just tweak a few of their dating behaviors, they can transform their dating life without changing who they are! If these secrets become a habit, you can stop stressing about first dates and focus on your man and deciding if HE is the great catch and worth your time. When you do that, 2nd dates become automatic.

CAMY: 98 of 100 first dates asked you out for a 2nd! Were you just a natural at dating or was there a point in your dating life where things dramatically changed to gain that high percentage?

VICTORYA: I was NOT a natural at dating. They don’t teach you how to date in school. Sure I had my share of 1st dates, but I didn’t have my first BOYFRIEND until I was 21! It wasn’t until utter frustration at 23 that I decided to really study the art of dating. I read every dating book on the shelves and observed successful couples and watched the celebrities around me since I was in Hollywood. I learned the walk and the talk and finally men took notice, asked me out and the 2nd dates began to become automatic.


CAMY: You say every woman has an internal “Male GPS.” What is it and how do we use it?

VICTORYA: Available men are everywhere -- at the drive-thru, at work, at school, at church, at restaurants, at the mall, the gas station, sporting events, etc. You just have to know what you’re looking for and believe he exists. The Male GPS –male global positioning satellite—is in your mind. Your mind is an extremely power instrument that is always working and wants to be right! When you think about something enough, amazingly it seems to begin appearing everywhere you go. Let’s talk cars as an example. If you want that new blue Honda SUV, of course you believe it exists and it’s on your mind so it suddenly stands out every time one drives by. Just like thinking of your next car, think about what kind of guy you want.

The key to finding your next 1st date begins with your mind. You can instantly turn on your internal MALE GPS by figuring out specifically what you’re looking for in a guy, visualizing a man with those traits and believing he exists.


CAMY: You say the three-second flirt is a great way to get noticed. How does it work?

VICTORYA: Indeed flirting is the easiest and non-assertive way to get noticed. So FLIRT with that man who makes your heart beat race! I have a lot of dating tips in The Automatic 2nd Date. One of them is to make sure you catch his eye. Next time you find someone who catches your eye, hold his gaze for three seconds. Eye contact is huge and the duration is relevant! Next time you’re in a “target rich environment of potential dates, slowly scan the room with calm, soft eyes, resting your eyes briefly on any man who captures your attention, and then casually glance for a bare ring finger. If the finger is bare, lock into a gaze for your three-second flirt... Add a slight smile or grin, and then casually look away. You can repeat it several times to get your point across if you’d like. Just realize that any longer than 5 second glance at a time borders creepy. And you don’t want that. Try out this 3 second flirt, even if your palms are sweating. You’ll not only build up your confidence, you’ll even get results!


CAMY: What are some definite “Do’s” to keep in mind on first dates?

VICTORYA: Here are my five top “Do’s" aside from looking at your date: 1) Look your best, 2) Put your best self forward, 3) laugh with him, 4) flatter him, and especially 5) listen to him. I always recommend asking your date a lot of questions about him then truly listening to his answers. Like every other human being, he is his own favorite subject, so he’ll be sure to have a great time and besides you WANT the information he reveals so you can figure out if you two are a match long before you are emotionally involved.

CAMY: Victorya, you firmly say your guy should pay for the first date. Can you or should you pay for any part of it?

VICTORYA: If you pay for your 1st date, you’ve established that you are just buddies or that he doesn’t have to pursue or pamper you. So don’t pay for any part of the first date. If a relationship progresses there will be plenty of time to occasionally treat him or to pitch in for part of your time together. Your goal on the first few dates is to let him impress you!


CAMY: The first date is over. Now what? Does The Automatic 2nd Date offer advice on what to do AFTER the date? Such as can you call or text your date the next day to thank him?

VICTORYA: When the first date is over, just relax and go on with your life, no matter how much you are into your new man. Do NOT call or text your date before he contacts you! Sure you can and should thank him at the end of the date, but no need for a follow-up thank you unless HE sends you a thank you gift. (Even if your romantic date was as incredible as a ride in a helicopter to see the lights of downtown, it is in your best interest NOT to call him the next day. If he’s treating you like that, you certainly don’t want to scare him away by chasing HIM.

CAMY: Thanks for these insights to dating. Where can our audience get your book as well as more dating tips?

VICTORYA: Thanks for having me. Yes, my website has a lot of additional tips and advice for single women! Check it out-- it’s www.mantokeep.com. You can also order my books and learn about my coaching program. I hope I have helped you begin to see that dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact, believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating skills and take risks. There is so much information I’d love to impart to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my site anytime and/or check out my book The Automatic 2nd Date.

Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author The Automatic 2nd Date