Skip to main content

Airplane gripe sheet

Captain’s Log, Stardate 09.05.2006

Blog book giveaway:
My Thursday book giveaway is PINK by Marilynn Griffith.
My Monday book giveaway is BAD HEIRESS DAY by Allie Pleiter.
You can still enter both giveaways. Just post a comment on each of those blog posts. On Thursday, I'll draw the winner for PINK and post the title for another book I'm giving away.

Some humor: I don't know if this is truly from Quantas because I also found this list under Air Force flight crews, but regardless, it's hilarious.

QANTAS Gripe Sheet
25-VIII-2003

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

TMI:

Writing: I’m in the process of figuring out the sequence of events for my novel, and found that the Feminine Hero’s Journey in 45 MASTER CHARACTERS was actually quite helpful. The description of each stage was like a writing prompt, triggering ideas for what could happen at that point in the story. It didn’t seem formulaic at all.

The only complaint I have is that it doesn’t emphasize the rising action and 3 climaxes I’m used to. The rising action, especially, I think is important to a story, so now I need to go through my notes and tweak things to put more at stake at each point.

Diet: I made more shortbread!!! I’m torn between being happy and sad. I did NOT exercise today and I made artery-clogging cookies. And don’t even think the oatmeal in the cookies makes up for the butter, although I did use ¼ less butter. I hope I can get back on track with my exercise—the motivation to Just do it is lacking lately. Same as my ability to gauge proper eating portions.

Comments

Domino said…
Airline Maintenance Hilarity? Who knew that was the key to having the fewest recorded flight accidents? Maybe the other airlines should be this funny.

Made my day.
PatriciaW said…
Hysterical!

Had to stop baking chocolate chip cookies myself. Boys will simply have to find alternatives until I can find an alternative to all this weight I carry around!
Anonymous said…
Camy, that cracked me up! Makes me want to write a comedy about a pilot and his mechanic. Trying to think what kind of lit that would be. (thinking, thinking, typing, deleting). I got nothin'.

Popular Posts

No Cold Bums toilet seat cover

Captain's Log, Stardate 08.22.2008 I actually wrote out my pattern! I was getting a lot of hits on my infamous toilet seat cover , and I wanted to make a new one with “improvements,” so I paid attention and wrote things down as I made the new one. This was originally based off the Potty Mouth toilet cover , but I altered it to fit over the seat instead of the lid. Yarn: any worsted weight yarn, about 120 yards (this is a really tight number, I used exactly 118 yards. My suggestion is to make sure you have about 130 yards.) I suggest using acrylic yarn because you’re going to be washing this often. Needle: I used US 8, but you can use whatever needle size is recommended by the yarn you’re using. Gauge: Not that important. Mine was 4 sts/1 inch in garter stitch. 6 buttons (I used some leftover shell buttons I had in my stash) tapestry needle Crochet hook (optional) Cover: Using a provisional cast on, cast on 12 stitches. Work in garter st until liner measures...

Toilet seat cover

Captain’s Log, Supplemental Update August 2008: I wrote up the pattern for this with "improvements"! Here's the link to my No Cold Bums toilet seat cover ! Okay, remember a few days ago I was complaining about the cold toilet seat in my bathroom? Well, I decided to knit a seat cover. Not a lid cover, but a seat cover. I went online and couldn’t find anything for the seat, just one pattern for the lid by Feminitz.com . However, I took her pattern for the inside edge of the lid cover and modified it to make a seat cover. Here it is! It’s really ugly stitch-wise because originally I made it too small and had to extend it a couple inches on each side. I figured I’d be the one staring at it, so who cared if the extension wasn’t perfectly invisible? I used acrylic yarn since, well, that’s what I had, and also because it’s easy to wash. I’ll probably have to wash this cover every week or so, but it’s easy to take off—I made ties which you can see near the back of the seat. And...

What Is a Brutus Cut? A Regency Hair Trend Inspired by Ancient Rome

Regency Haircuts and Disguises in Lady Wynwood’s Spies In this excerpt from Lady Wynwood’s Spies, Volume 8: Traitor , Phoebe prepares for a dangerous mission—one that requires her to disguise herself as a young man. The hairstyle she receives, called a Brutus cut, was actually quite fashionable during the Regency. Read on to find out more about this curious trend and why it suited her new identity so well. Excerpt from Lady Wynwood’s Spies, Volume 8: Traitor : By far, the absolute worst part of Uncle Sol’s plan was that Phoebe had to cut her hair. Of the four agents, Phoebe and Mr. Coulton-Jones would be the least likely to be recognized when they entered the Ramparts building—Mr. Coulton-Jones, because of his skill in altering his facial features and his posture, and Phoebe, because she could play a convincing young man, which no one would expect. A disreputable hat would hide her long hair to an extent, but it would not fool anyone who looked closely. Also, because she would lo...

SUSHI FOR ONE: Original chapter 8

I found this yesterday and had completely forgotten about this. I had originally plotted a different set of dates for Lex in Sushi for One and one of them was Duane the Dweeb. He got combined with/switched to George in a later revision, and I rewrote their date scene, but I found the original scene tucked away in my computer. For those of you who haven’t read Sushi for One , don’t worry, this won’t ruin the book for you. For those of you who have read it, you’ll hopefully get a chuckle over some jokes I didn’t include in the chapter 8 that’s in the book. Back cover description: She’s searching for Mr. Perfect. God keeps sending Mr. Unexpected. Lex Sakai is completely unfazed by her family’s dreaded title, Oldest Single Female Cousin. As a competitive volleyball coach and athlete, she has bigger priorities. So when her iron-willed grandmother threatens to cut funding for Lex’s team unless Lex brings a date to her cousin’s wedding, Lex does what any competitor would do—she cre...

Merry Christmas! Enjoy The Spinster's Christmas

As a Merry Christmas gift to all my blog readers, I’m going to be posting my Christian Regency romantic suspense, The Spinster’s Christmas , for free on my blog! I’ll be posting the book in 1000-1500 word segments every Tuesday and Friday. (When I do the calculations, it’ll finish around the end of May.) Why am I posting a Christmas story when it won’t be Christmas in a week? Because I can! :) The Spinster’s Christmas is the prequel volume to my Lady Wynwood’s Spies series . Right now I’m editing volume 1 of Lady Wynwood’s Spies, and it’s on track to release in 2020. (If you’re on my Camille Elliot newsletter , you’ll be sure to hear when it’s available for preorder.) I anticipate that the Lady Wynwood’s Spies series to be about ten volumes. I think the series story will be a lot of fun to tell, and I’m looking forward to writing up a storm! Below, I’ll be listing the links to the parts of The Spinster’s Christmas as I post them. (I created the html links by hand so please ...