Skip to main content

Save the Date - Camy's Patreon launch

My Patreon will launch in 2 weeks! I took all the results of the poll and I have hopefully created fun and appealing tiers. About my Patreon: I'm trying something new for the next 6-7 months. If it works, I'll continue, but if I end up not liking it, I'll stop it in September or October. I will be starting a monthly subscription membership on a new Patreon account. I will be posting the chapters of my current book ( Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 7 ) so you can read ahead of when the ebook will be edited and published. My current plan is to post 1-2 chapters weekly. One reason I’m switching things up is that I want to get closer to my readers and build a tighter, more intimate community with you. You can comment on each chapter of my book, give a reaction, ask a question, or even correct mistakes. My books will become a dialogue with you. If you subscribe to my Patreon, you'll be charged monthly and have access to all the benefits for the tier you subscribe to. Th

Romance, Adventure, Beauty

Captain’s Log, Stardate 06.17.2006

Blog book giveaway:
My Monday book giveaway is RV THERE YET? by Diann Hunt.
My Thursday book giveaway is A SOUNDING BRASS by Shelley Bates.
You can still enter both giveaways. Just post a comment on each of those blog posts. On Monday, I'll draw the winner for RV THERE YET? and post the title for another book I'm giving away. Stay tuned.

Blog Bible Study on CAPTIVATING: The guided journal is good, although it does bring up more questions for me than answers.


The authors talk about Shame that inflicts women because we don’t measure up to what people or the church tells us we should be—godly women, patient, sweet, yada yada yada.

The problem is, I don’t feel shame. I feel more rebellion. I don’t desire to be like that. I’m happy the way I am.

I’m very happy not being a sweet person, serving in the church kitchen. I’m very happy being blunt and straightforward, telling people “no” if I don’t have time to help. I’m very happy being a little immature and a little wild.

So why should I feel shame? Is it wrong for me not to feel shame?

The book also talks a lot about the emotions of a woman—the language is very touchy-feely. I’m not much like that. I don’t know if it was forced out of me, or if I forced it out of myself, or if I’m just not born like that in the first place.

My practical side is warring with the message in this book that I should be more emotional. It’s very conflicting.

One thing I’ve really gotten out of this is that it’s okay that I’m the way I am. Even if my romantic side was forced out of me—that’s okay. God planned everything that has shaped my character. This book wants me to embrace who I am and not wish I was someone else.

Okay, so what if it says I “probably” feel one way when I don’t? What then?

Like the whole passage from THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS, where Nathanial vows to find Cora no matter what. That line—while I can see how women would swoon over it—doesn’t move me.

Here’s why. My practical side says, “He can’t promise that because what if he slips on a rock and dies? The only person I can truly trust is God. That’s a nice sentiment and all, but I think he’s being a little unrealistic here.”

Okay, how’s that for a wet blanket on the fires of romance?

Another thing that bothers me is that they’re saying it’s okay to want romance. Okay, I get that. But if my husband doesn’t romance me, that kind of message only makes me disgruntled, doesn’t it? Maybe I’m misunderstanding.

I appreciate how they emphasize that women do desire adventure. My childhood fantasies were all about strong, independent women who kicked butt. In reality, I’m a wimp—I’d desire an adventure if someone were there to help me.

But I don’t think my husband particularly needs me for his own great adventure. He doesn’t really need me for anything. He’s pretty self-sufficient—a trait I admire in him. So if I’m not really “needed, vital and essential,” is that bad?

As for beauty, I got a mixed message. Little girls like twirly skirts and pretty clothes and being told they’re lovely, but then the book talked about not the outside but the inside for beauty.

Okay, I get that. But the little girl asking if she’s lovely is asking about her outside, not her inside. She doesn’t fully understand the whole outside/inside thing at that age.

I’ve always been admired by my loved ones for my mind and personality, not my looks. So what does that say to me about my looks, especially when so many people emphasize it themselves?

I’m not looking for affirmation/praise/fuzzywuzzies here. I’m trying to understand what the authors are saying about beauty. If it’s inside of a person, then who cares about twirly skirts and being lovely?

Maybe I’m just missing the message. It’s the whole practical/emotional thing.

I’m not giving up, though. It’s a very interesting perspective on things. I’m hoping the book gets clearer as I read on. I peeked ahead to the next chapter, and I think it might explain some of the things I’m frustrated about.

Comments

Sarah said…
Camy, I love the questions you raise here, and that you aren't afraid to raise them! I think the first part of understanding ourselves as women is to know how each of us is different from each other, and then to accept that. And I think you've gotten that down perfectly! I agree with much of what you wrote, even though I am probably more emotional, sappy, etc. than you--I think we are all on a sliding scale of emotional, adventurous, etc.--none of us is going to be the same. Maybe that's part of what makes us captivating? ;) Looking forward to reading more of your take on this book!
boomama said…
Okay, you and I had some REALLY similar reactions, and OH, am I ever feeling better. :-) That's what I struggled with in chapter 1 - my very practical personality vs. this romantic touchy-feely notion of femininity. I'm interested to see how the very contradiction you mentioned (tell me I'm lovely / beauty is on the inside) gets resolved...and I still have a feeling that there is much for me to learn through this study. Thanks for such an honest post....
Just Nancy said…
It's really great to read all the different ideas that just the first chapter brought up! While our feelings were different, what you said gave me a lot to think about. I have no idea what to expect when reading this book and it promises to be an interesting journey we're all on together, especially since we're all starting in different places. I wonder where we'll all end up.
Anonymous said…
I'm so glad that you are writing about exactly what you feel. Unfortunately, I don't have the book and I'm afraid that if I get it, I just might start feeling guilty about things in there. It seems that as long as I can remember, I've felt guilty about so many things that I didn't measure up to. I'm very glad that you aren't that way. I'm not really a touchy-feely kind of person either and I think it may have been my mother who made me feel guilty about that. She always described this wonderful relationship with her own mother and outright told me that she expected our relationship to be the same.

In many ways I am very grateful to my mother. She was a Christian role model for me. Perhaps, though, I was looking too much at her and not enough at Christ. When she had problems living up to what she told me about being a Christian, e.g., I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 9 and it got into my head that I now had to be perfect. After all, Christ was now living in me. Nobody explained what really happens--at least not so I understood. It was more than 15 years later, after depression had set in and I went to Christian counselors in California from Winnipeg, MB, that I began to realize that I'd never be perfect in my life. But that whole idea weighed on me terribly for many years.

I know I am definitely much more like my father than my mother. She complained that I talked to her only when I had questions. I never praised her for meals, took everything for granted. Yet when I'd talk at the dinner-table, my father would say in essence: Children are to be seen and not heard. I have was never able to hone my argumentative or discussional skills. Maybe he needed quiet at home after work every day instead of having a gaggle of people talking around him. I know that too much noise of any kind can really upset my applecart and bring on an attack of anxiety.

Sorry, I'm sort of spouting off here and I don't even have the book. Hope none of you minds if I respond to your comments.

Come to think of it, I usually ask if I look "okay". I know I'm no beauty with my oily skin and hair that needs to be constantly washed though my hands won't often cooperate. Probably my one brother would fault me for even saying "sorry" because it shows my "negative attitude" about myself. I know that right now in trying to make some money, this is my biggest stumbling block. I can't represent myself as a totally confident person in every way and in writing a job resumé, I can't lie when I don't know if I can keep those promises about being prompt, diligent (when I'm feeling sick), etc. The only promise I can make is doing the best I can.

BTW, the first time someone told me I had lovely skin, I looked at the woman as if she were crazy or I had heard wrong. "You have such nice smooth skin" meaning "you have no wrinkles". My skin: smooth? Well, she didn't run her hands over it and feel all the little bumps and the oiliness. Another person asked how come I don't have any wrinkles. At least I was prepared for it. "Well, I guess that's one advantage of having oily skin."

I'd better stop.
Chaos-Jamie said…
It does get clearer. You are to be romanced by God and he will do it in a way that will bring pleasure to you (and maybe that is by providing you with a fabulous food!). Yes, chapter 1 brings forth a lot of questions, one being "Why don't I feel this way?" But, if you can be totally honest with yourself while reading later, I think you will still appreciate it.
sarahgrace said…
Camy- I love how honest you are here. I think I often disregard how I truly feel about a lot of things because I am always worried about, as boomama said in her post, "rocking the boat." I'm learning to be more of a boat rocker these days, and I'm happy for that.
I had a lot of similar reactions to yours when I read the first chapter, and the more I thought about it, the more I found ways the ideas in there pertained to me in their own unique way- (because, lets face it, twirling around in frilly little dresses really makes some of us puke! In more way than one.)
Jamie is right though, it does get better in the next chapters...
Heather Hansen said…
Camy I'm a square in a round world and I don't feel shame either. I loved your post. :)
Melissa said…
Now you made me want to read the book, so I just put it on hold at the library. I'm intrigued. Thanks for sharing your heart though, it helps when people are transparent!
I'm right there with you. I rarely feel needy. If I do, usually it is needy for a friend, not romance. I am very independent, probably too independent. I am wondering if this was a shell I built to protect myself and the woman she describes is somewhere inside. I hope the book ends up being a revelation, not a let down.
Sharon Hinck said…
Ted was reading "Wild at Heart" at the same time I was reading "Captivating"...and we had interesting discussions about the Eldredge's views of male/female dreams and goals. I also wrestled with some of the concepts of the book, but it sure led to fun discussions. And it challenged me to admit things I longed for, instead of trying to convince myself it was "unspiritual" to long for them.
Pfingston said…
No shame, that is something I picked up from the first chapter, do not feel shame 'cause you should or shouldn't be like this. Thank you Jamie D. for telling us that the first chapter is about bringing up questions that will be answered later. I too was feeling a bit disguntled with the romance I get from my hubby . . . but "ooh, I see now" God will . . .OK, I'm hanging in there like you Camy . . . let's see where this leads.

Popular Posts

Bethany House Publishers Cover Survey Invitation

Captain's Log, Supplemental I just got this from Bethany House Publishers: Hello Reader, We at Bethany House Publishers appreciate our readers opinions about the books we publish. Occasionally, we seek your input about upcoming products. Currently, we are conducting a survey about the cover image for an upcoming novel. For your time, we are offering a giveaway in conjunction with this survey. You will be able to choose from ten recent Bethany House novels, and there will be ten winners. Winners will be notified within two weeks. Click here to take the survey, which should take about 10 minutes to complete. Thank you for your participation, and feel free to forward this email on to your friends or link the survey on your website. The survey will be available through Monday, September 17. Thanks for your time and your opinions. We value your feedback. Sincerely, Jim Hart Internet Marketing Manager Bethany House Publishers

No Cold Bums toilet seat cover

Captain's Log, Stardate 08.22.2008 I actually wrote out my pattern! I was getting a lot of hits on my infamous toilet seat cover , and I wanted to make a new one with “improvements,” so I paid attention and wrote things down as I made the new one. This was originally based off the Potty Mouth toilet cover , but I altered it to fit over the seat instead of the lid. Yarn: any worsted weight yarn, about 120 yards (this is a really tight number, I used exactly 118 yards. My suggestion is to make sure you have about 130 yards.) I suggest using acrylic yarn because you’re going to be washing this often. Needle: I used US 8, but you can use whatever needle size is recommended by the yarn you’re using. Gauge: Not that important. Mine was 4 sts/1 inch in garter stitch. 6 buttons (I used some leftover shell buttons I had in my stash) tapestry needle Crochet hook (optional) Cover: Using a provisional cast on, cast on 12 stitches. Work in garter st until liner measures

Save the Date - Camy's Patreon launch

My Patreon will launch in 2 weeks! I took all the results of the poll and I have hopefully created fun and appealing tiers. About my Patreon: I'm trying something new for the next 6-7 months. If it works, I'll continue, but if I end up not liking it, I'll stop it in September or October. I will be starting a monthly subscription membership on a new Patreon account. I will be posting the chapters of my current book ( Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 7 ) so you can read ahead of when the ebook will be edited and published. My current plan is to post 1-2 chapters weekly. One reason I’m switching things up is that I want to get closer to my readers and build a tighter, more intimate community with you. You can comment on each chapter of my book, give a reaction, ask a question, or even correct mistakes. My books will become a dialogue with you. If you subscribe to my Patreon, you'll be charged monthly and have access to all the benefits for the tier you subscribe to. Th

What are you reading? A Thousand Li

At the moment, I’m reading the Chinese fantasy series, A Thousand Li by Tao Wong, set in a version of historical China. It’s what’s called a “Cultivation” novel where the character does some woo-woo stuff and moves energy around in his body and eventually is able to do some cool magic. I didn’t expect to like this series so much! The first book is a little weaker compared to the next several volumes, but it’s still very enjoyable, and I was hooked pretty easily. I’m listening to it on audiobook, and the narrator, Travis Baldree, is AMAZING! He does the Chinese names really well, and the different voices are fantastic. What are you reading today?

What are you crafting today?

I’m not making anything special, just a ribbed top to match my ribbed skirt. It’s based off of a vintage pattern from the 1940s, but altered for my size. What are you making today? Post a comment!

Earthquake in San Jose

Captain's Log, Supplemental Some of you might have heard about the 5.2 earthquake in San Jose last night. Just to let you know, we’re okay. The house started shaking, and after 17 years in California, I know by now to run for a doorway. The shaking was over in a few seconds. No big deal. Not even a broken plate or glass. A couple CDs fell off my shelf, nothing else. Even before the shaking completely stopped, I’m standing in the doorway to my office like a good Californian, and I see Captain Caffeine walk into the foyer! “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be under a desk!” “Uh ... I was keeping the cabinets from falling.” (Translation: he was holding the cabinets closed so the glasses wouldn’t rain on the kitchen floor, which in hindsight was thoughtful of him, but I’d rather have glass over the floor instead of a ceiling tile falling on his head!) My friend Dineen lives closer to the epicenter, so I called to see how she was. Everything was fine at her house. “In fact,” she s

Irrational loves

Captain's Log, Stardate 10.09.2007 Today I went to lunch with my friend Dineen, and afterwards, we headed into Borders just to browse. Borders has this section full of cute little notebooks. Small ones, big ones, colored paper ones, you name it. They also have pens and wallets and zippered bags and iPod cases. I must have spent at least thirty minutes just going ga-ga over the stupid little notebooks! What is it with notebooks and me? I can count the number of them that I’ve actually filled on the fingers of one hand. I have them all over the house, most with only a page or two written on, and an entire BOX of new ones in my closet. And I keep coveting more! This thing with notebooks is completely irrational. I cannot understand it, and I cannot stop it. I also cannot seem to fill them with any speed. And considering how much I like to talk, that’s pathetic. I should at least be able to spout nothings enough to fill a few. But when I open it to write inside, a part of my brain sud

New contest!

I haven’t had a contest since October! Here’s new one just in time for Christmas. I’m picking 3 winners to each be able to choose 10 books from my Christian book list! And yes, that list includes my books! 1) You get one entry into the contest when you sign up for my email newsletter at http://www.camytang.com/ . If you already belong to my email newsletter, let me know! 2) You get a second entry into the contest if you Like my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/CamyTangAuthor . If you already Like my Facebook page, let me know! 3) You get a third entry into the contest if you join my Goodreads group: http://www.goodreads.com/group/show/49078 . If you already belong to my Goodreads group, let me know! 4) You get a fourth entry into the contest if you follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/camytang . If you already follow me on Twitter, let me know! 5) You get extra entries into the contest if you get someone else to join my email newsletter. Just email camy {at] c

Follow Camy on Amazon

Follow my Camy Tang author profile on Amazon! You’ll get an email from Amazon whenever I have a new ebook release and occasionally when Amazon decides to run a special on one of them. Click here to go to my Camy Tang page on Amazon , then click on the Follow button.

Grace Livingston Hill romances free to read online

I wanted to update my old post on Grace Livingston Hill romances because now there are tons more options for you to be able to read her books for free online! I’m a huge Grace Livingston Hill fan. Granted, not all her books resonate with me, but there are a few that I absolutely love, like The Enchanted Barn and Crimson Roses . And the best part is that she wrote over 100 books and I haven’t yet read them all! When I have time, I like to dive into a new GLH novel. I like the fact that most of them are romances, and I especially appreciate that they all have strong Christian themes. Occasionally the Christian content is a little heavy-handed for my taste, but it’s so interesting to see what the Christian faith was like in the early part of the 20th century. These books are often Cinderella-type stories or A Little Princess (Frances Hodgson Burnett) type stories, which I love. And the best part is that they’re all set in the early 1900s, so the time period is absolutely fasci