I quit my job

Captain's Log, Stardate 08.01.2005

I've been praying about this for a month now, after fasting earlier in July and asking everyone and their dog to pray for me.

This decision doesn't come lightly. I discussed it with my husband first, and I had been praying for God to speak to him as well so that we two could be in agreement. My husband said he was open to my quitting for about six months to try writing full-time. Six months will put me at the end of January, which is perfect timing if I want to find another job, since most companies start listing positions at that time.

My friend Marilyn talked with me about it, because she made a similar decision a month earlier. She also pointed out that I wasn't quitting to work full-time with absolutely no encouragement to go on. I already have an agent, and I garnered interest in my writing with editors when I went to conferences and when my agent sent my Chicklit out to publishers.

The time at RWA National kind of cemented things for me. One thing I heard over and over: Publishers are looking for multicultural contemporary fiction. Well, whaddaya know, I write Asian fiction. Another thing I heard there and have been hearing on the loops: Inspirational fiction is skyrocketing. Hmm, sounds like I might fit that.

Also, in my meeting with Melissa, she said she was interested in my Hawaii Chicklit/Suspense, which isn't done yet. I want to finish that ASAP and send it to her while my face is still fresh in her memory.

I fasted this morning and prayed (although it didn't seem like enough). I talked it over with coworkers. Finally, I went to talk to my supervisor with hands shaking.

It turned out so much better than I expected. My supervisor writes children's fiction himself, so he understood my desire to write full-time. He also seemed genuinely sorry to lose me, and suggested I talk to HR about an extended leave of absence instead of resigning. He then actually helped me write my resignation letter before I "officially" emailed it to him, cc'ing his boss and HR. I had formally put in my two weeks' notice, but the letter mentioned that I intended to speak to HR about a leave of absence instead of resigning.

Now I feel both free and scared. What if I can't discipline myself in my writing? What if nothing happens during those six months? What if I get more rejections and my agent dumps me and I can't break through this writer's block--although I'm not entirely certain I have writer's block--and, and, and.

I prayed tonight, and received God's peace. Anxiety is not from Him. I have to trust His Spirit is leading me, and that He'd either tell me I'm headed the wrong way or else give me what I need to endure my bad decision, plus grow me along the way.