Sunday, January 02, 2005

Psalm 37

Captain’s Log, Stardate 01.02.05

Psalm 37:1-8 (NIV)

Do not fret because of evil men

Or be envious of those who do wrong;

For like the grass they will soon wither,

Like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the Lord and do good;

Dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the Lord

And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

Trust in Him and He will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,

The justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him;

Do not fret when men succeed in their ways,

When they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;

Do not fret--it leads only to evil.

For evil men will be cut off,

But those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

I go back to work in three days. I am reading Psalm 37 today, and felt such despair because I can’t make myself trust in the Lord, I can’t delight myself in Him, I don’t know how to. The dread and fear of returning to work seems overwhelming, sapping my strength. How can I endure that kind of suffering again, and be able to focus on God in the midst of it?

But then I asked Him to give me this trust, to help me delight myself in Him. I don’t have the strength to do it myself, but He has the power to enable me to do it. Even the act of allowing Him to give me this strength is wearying, because it is daily, minute by minute. God, please give me the ability to hope in You, trust in You to deliver me, wait for You to act. I confess my weakness and selfishness, impatience and frustration. I am tired and weak. But I desire to obey You, Lord. Enable me to obey and please You.

Please, no frou-frou fuzzy cyber-hugs from my friends, I want strength from you--the power of your prayers on my behalf. I don’t know what I’d do without you guys to pray for me. Just knowing you are praying gives me hope and encouragement.

Writing: Got four pages done yesterday, but I also added a chapter break (51-55). I’m not supposed to write on Sundays, but I wonder if God wouldn’t mind if I finished the Real Life Q&A I still haven’t done?

Diet: Not bad, I guess. We had to eat up the rib roast from Christmas, so that wasn’t very healthy, but I hadn’t eaten much all day before then, so at least it added that billion calories to a below-average day.


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