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「戌年」連載小説 第8章

キャミー・タング著「戌年」連載小説 プロのドッグトレーナーであるマリ・ムトウは、厄年を迎えている。 犬小屋と訓練所の改築をしながら、いつも不服そうにしている家族と同居することになった。母と姉に言わせれば、犬の毛とよだれかけにまみれる仕事は、家族にとって恥ずべきものだという。彼女は元カレを説得し、数ヶ月間犬を預かってもらうことにした。しかし、彼の兄は、数週間前に彼女が誤って車に追突した、怒り狂ったセキュリティ専門家であることが判明する。 アシュウィン・ケイトウは十分な問題を抱えている。叔母が玄関先に現れ、同居を希望している。彼は彼女にすべてを借りているので、断ることができません。母親が家を出て行った後、ネルおばさんはアシュウィンと弟を引き取り、愛のあるキリスト教の家庭で育てた。しかも、弟のダスティもアパートを追い出され、居場所を求めている。しかし、彼は犬を飼っている。そして、その犬の飼い主は誰だと思いますか？ しかし、旧友でオアフ島のノースショアでデイスパを経営する私立探偵のエディサ・ゲレロから依頼を受ける。マリの施設で奇妙な破壊行為があり、3年前に失踪したエディサの妹の財布を発見する。エディサはマリが危険な目に遭っているのではと心配する。警備の専門家であるアシュウィンがすでにマリを知っていることを知ったエディサは、忙しい若い女性を密かに監視することを彼に依頼する。 アシュウィンは、活発でのんびりとしたドッグトレーナーに不本意ながら惹かれていく。彼女は、幸せそうな母親を思い出させる。その母親の裏切りによって、彼は人と距離を置くようになったのだ。マリは、アシュウィンの冷たい外見を見抜き、彼が家族に忠実な男であることを認める。彼は、彼女のキャリア選択を批判するだけの母親や姉とは違う。 マリのバラバラな家庭とアシュウィンのバラバラな家庭の中で、過去を隠そうとする人たちから、彼らの周りに危険が迫ってくるようになる。彼らは、影で動く秘密に光を当てることができるのか？ 過去に発表されたパートへのリンクはこちら。 *** 第8章 - 恐ろしくも真っ白な不動産書類 『みんな仲良くできないのかな？』 マリは無用に力を込めて箱に本を投げ入れた。最近、なぜ彼女は人生の中で全員と言い争いをしているのだろう？もしかすると、これは本当に悪いアイデア
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The Story Sensei critique service

Captain’s Log, Stardate 06.20.2006

Blog book giveaway:
My Thursday book giveaway is A SOUNDING BRASS by Shelley Bates.
My Monday book giveaway is WAKING LAZARUS by TL Hines.
You can still enter both giveaways. Just post a comment on each of those blog posts. On Thursday, I'll draw the winner for A SOUNDING BRASS and post the title for another book I'm giving away. Stay tuned.

Open for business! I had previously stopped doing manuscript critiques for my critique service, The Story Sensei, and just focused on high-level structural critiques based on synopses.

Now I've opened up The Story Sensei to manuscript critiques again.

Update: See my Story Sensei blog for updated prices. I have a limited-time special price of $1 per 100 words (computer word count), PARTIAL or FULL manuscript.

I will identify any weaknesses in story structure, character arcs, writing style, and other aspects of a high-level critique. I will also analyze your manuscript for key writing and story elements:

• Opening hook/scene
• Pacing
• POV (point of view)
• Smooth dialogue, necessary, no redundancies
• Distinct character voices
• Adverbs
• Passive verbs
• Backstory
• Description, vivid picture, 5 senses
• Show vs. tell
• Rhythm/balance between narrative and dialogue
• Tags vs. beats
• Unique prose or cliché
• Character emotions
• Voice
• Scene structure--goal, conflict, disaster/reaction, dilemma, decision
• Scene necessity/redundancies

I often offer suggestions and brainstorming ideas as a jumping-off point for you to strengthen the cohesiveness and emotional impact of your story.

Visit my Story Sensei blog to find out more about The Story Sensei critique service and to read what other clients have said about my services.
http://www.storysensei.com/

TMI:

Diet: Still exercising, I did it all last week although I didn't for the weekend, but I did it yesterday and I felt great. I’m pretty happy with myself, even though my body still jiggles (I absolutely hate that jiggling feeling. Anybody else? I just think of JELL-O).

So is my care about my body fat putting the wrong emphasis on beauty?

On a good note, I can really feel my back getting stronger and not having as many aches and pains. I think it’s the yoga and the pilates from Denise Austin’s exercise programs.

As a writer, my back really is my lifeline. Well, I guess my wrists and shoulders are, too, but I have an ergonomic keyboard to help with those, and my problems have always been with my back.

A new (and very expensive) ergonomic chair helped, but sitting in it for 10 hours a day or more kind of cancels out the beneficial effects.

How about you guys? Aches? Pains? Need prayer?
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Comments

Ruth said…
I’m pretty happy with myself, even though my body still jiggles (I absolutely hate that jiggling feeling. Anybody else? I just think of JELL-O).

AMEN! I hate that feeling too!!
Tue Jun 20, 04:59:00 AM 2006
Unknown said…
I hate that jiggly feeling too. And after two kids and age forty on the horizon, it feels more like a daily battle with gravity. But I do find that working out with weights and yoga helps a ton with my back, neck and shoulders. I really notice a difference when I don't do it.
Tue Jun 20, 08:37:00 AM 2006
Unknown said…
I've been battling with my weight ever since my hysterectomy. A friend of mine recently lost a ton of weight, so nosey me asked her how. No dieting! Can you believe it? She went out and bought that dance mat craze (Dance Dance Revolution). So, I copy catted and did the same. What fun! I do it for 30 minutes to an hour, five days a week. Doesn't seem like exercise and it is a blast, when I can get it away from my 15 year old son!
Tue Jun 20, 08:56:00 AM 2006
Anonymous said…
I was close to 160 lbs. at 5' 4" about a year ago. Then I just lost my appetite and now I'm down to 110 lbs. Stress did most of that. But should have been exercising as wall, as Camy said. There's one exercise I that I loved doing in the shower before I lost my most helpful one (dedicated shower, if you want). The one is bath-tubs just don't do the same thing for me. Anyway, I'd stand in the corner opposite the spray, the flat hands positioned on each wall at shoulder height about 18" from the corner. Place your feet slightly apart and so that you can lean forward without having your heels lose contact with the floor. Lean forward for a count of five. Do this 10 times. I loved finding the stretch and tightening in my back muscles and having the warm to very warm water spray on my back. This can also be done in a doorway but I'v had bad hands for a few decads already and this exercise in a doorway seemed to tear every ligament or whatever. So I stuck to the corner. I'll see if I can find the exact directins from my exercise program if anybody needs it. After doing this for a good bit of time, I found myself sitting comfortably erect even at the computer. A big surprise!

That no longer holds true now, alas. I feel like a little bundle of nerves, bones and muscles at the computer nowadays. I also sit straighter if I sit crosslegged on my chair. I asked my doctor if that was okay. He just smiled at me (and I thought I'd asked a really stupid question). But he said: "Why do you think more than half the people in the world sit like that?" Without the chair of course.

With your weight or the jiggling, I really wouldn't worry about that unless it has an impact on your health in any way, psychological or physical.

I have an Obus chair but without the exercise I was trying to describe, it doesn't help all that much. I think I'll just have to go with the exercises in the bathtub's other corner as a place to do the exercises daily without the warm water. Better than not doing it at all and I seem to have no other good corners in this place. Thanks for reminding me to do that one at least. I'll definitely need constant reminding unless I can get back into a routine and do some of the other exercises as well.
Tue Jun 20, 03:38:00 PM 2006
Anonymous said…
Ugh, I'm making so many more typing mistakes recently and not seeing them when I proofread. I hope my new glasses will help. I think I got the ok for them in the mail today.
Tue Jun 20, 03:40:00 PM 2006
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