Monday, May 17, 2010

The pissy snipe monster

Captain’s Log, Stardate 05.17.2010

Yesterday we had worship leader’s meeting at church right after the 10 a.m. service, and the meeting went a bit long. We didn’t go off on any tangents or anything like that, we just happened to have a lot to discuss.

I had been a good girl and eaten a big bowl of oatmeal before service, and I ate one of my mom’s energy bars in meeting, but when we got out of the meeting, I was cranky and hungry. Or rather, the order should be hungry and cranky. When I am hungry, I turn into the pissy snipe monster.

Captain Caffeine took his life into his hands when he casually admitted he wasn’t very hungry because he’d drunk some high-tech protein shake with time-release protein something or other. However, being the loving wife that I am, I forgave him his lapse of sensitivity while his wife’s stomach acid was burning a hole through her stomach lining.

Captain Caffeine, wanting to tame the rabid dog he had married, suggested I eat another energy bar. Now don’t get me wrong, Mom’s energy bars are DA BOMB. Rice krispies, peanut butter, nuts, cranberries, pumpkin seeds. They are AWESOME.

But when I’m hungry, I’m really not that into “snacky” foods. I want REAL FOOD. (This is my one beef with a diet book I’m reading that emphasizes 3 meals and 3 snacks each day. While I completely see the logic of it, it relies on (healthy) snacky stuff as opposed to REAL FOOD, and I don’t really care that much for snacky stuff in general, with the exception of potato chips, but that kind of defeats the purpose of the 3 healthy snacks to keep you from stuffing your face like a pig at mealtimes.)

Back to my empty stomach and fraying temper. After bemoaning my lack of interest in snack food and my desire for a French dip sandwich instead, I saw that Captain Caffeine was reaching for the crucifix, holy water and wooden stake in case I turned on him.

We went to Trader Joe’s to pick up milk and I found a bag of cheddar cheese pita chips appealing despite my ranting about how I dislike snack foods only fifteen minutes earlier. The Captain wisely refrained from commenting on my illogic and bought the bag faster than you can say “Eat.”

Pissy snipe monster miraculously turned back into the Captain’s lovely Japanese wife. And we went home to eat leftover steak and some awesomely sweet sautéed young snow peas with garlic and olive oil.

The End.

12 comments :

  1. uggh I feel your pain. Sometimes I just get SO hungry I simply have to eat! And my brothers are alway so sympathetic--telling me all about the doughnuts and cookies they ate and therefore they aren't hungry. Wow, thanks guys. And wassup wit dat anyway? I thought it was the guys who always wanted to eat... So much for yet ANOTHER stereotype

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  2. PSM may want her blood sugar checked, the 90 day one. Let her know, Camy!

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  3. LOL!!! Yet another thing we have in common. Though I've never heard it called pissy snipe monster. That's pretty cool. Except I'm pretty sure I can't use that name, since pissy would be yet ANOTHER bad word I've taught my kids. *sigh*

    I've done the same thing with getting a snacky food to tide me over. What's helped me is having a bag of almonds in my purse. Very yummy, convenient, and makes me feel less guilty than other snacks.

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  4. L.E. - your brothers would not survive in my household. :)

    Carrie - there's a 90 day blood sugar test? I just had my blood sugar tested and it was fine.

    Danica - I tried almonds before, but just don't care for them very much when I'm ravenous. Or at least they don't make me less hungry. :(

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  5. My sis made me get the 90 day one after I had a similar situation (we have diabetes in the family). Mine was negative but I am trying to give my PSM regular servings of fruit or carbs along with a little protein throughout the day. Seems to help!

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  6. Yes, actually, I have to feed myself regularly or else I get the shakes. I did today, anyway! :( I hate it when that happens.
    Camy

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  7. Camy,I'm with you and Danica and L.E. My blood sugar drops--and growl.

    My husband has to EAT NOW when he says, "a rat is eating a hole in my belly."

    Anyway, have you tried the Fat Smash by Ian Smith, M.D. ? It works for my husband who has NEVER had to be on a diet before ("Musthaverealfood Miller") and I also can do that one. I prefer his original book, but he does have several out there. He did the diets/nutrition for Celebrity Fitness (or some such title.)

    I wish we had a Trader Joe's. Sigh.

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  8. I'll have a look at that, Crystal! Thanks!
    Camy

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  9. This made me laugh! I can so relate. Our pastor seems to LOVE the "5 minute meeting" after church. I don't eat breakfast on Sunday mornings so I become the total EVIL woman! Lunch is such a welcome relief!

    Thanks for sharing!

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  10. Holly, that's why I started eating breakfast Sunday morning! Those meetings would just kill me!

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  11. I should! But Sunday mornings are so crazy trying to get myself ready and my little one. Now I have to go 10 minutes the opposite direction to pick up my oldest son. I'm so whiny! Sorry...
    but yes breakfast would be good!

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  12. I'm totally the same way Sun morning, I'm always rushing to get out the door. I started making (the night before) a tupperware container of yogurt or a granola bar to eat on the way to church. If I happen to get up early enough, I make oatmeal.

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