Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Politeness or comfortableness?

Captain's Log, Stardate 01.08.2008

I'm in an emotional quandary.

I offered to do something for a friend. She said, "Great!" and gave me the info I'd need.

No "thanks," "thank you," etc.

Am I just too old-fashioned, that I expect a "thank you" if someone offers to do something for you?

It also occurred to me that maybe this friend feels so comfortable with me, she assumes she doesn't need to say thanks, that I already know she's thankful.

But something in me just wars against that kind of thinking. I don't care how comfortable you are with me, or how long we've been friends--I want a polite "thank you" if I'm doing you a favor.

What do you guys think? How do you teach your kids about stuff like this?

14 comments :

  1. Camy I dont have kids but i do think a thankyou would be appropiate.
    If i ask someone to do something for me i always say thanks. its something thats just manners.
    even if you are very comfortable with others manners doesn't hurt and is often more so.

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  2. "Thank you" is always appropriate, and it's sad that in our society today it seems to be the exception and not the rule to say "thanks."

    So, while I'm on the subject ... thanks for the great blog posts Camy! You always make my day :-)

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  3. Camy, thank you is always appropriate. After Christmas and Birthdays, the children and I write thank you notes and before we go to any gift giving function I always remind them to say thank you and be appreciative whether they like the gift or not.

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  4. "Thank you" is always important, perhaps even more so with someone close to you. Seems to me a lack of appreciation for a kind deed done may just be one of the (many) problems plaguing our society today. (Don't even get me started on entitlement!)

    Maybe she's figuring she'll thank you when the deed is done, but she should be appreciative of the offer as well.

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  5. I agree with everyone else. A "thank you" is always a good thing. No matter how comfortable you are with someone, it's nice to show them that you appreciate what they're doing/have done for you or just plain ol' appreciate them.

    I'm a mean mom. If someone gives something to my children and they don't say "thank you", I gently remind them. Still no "thank you", I firmly remind them. After that, if they still don't say it, I make them give their gift back. If they don't/can't appreciate it, then they don't need it. I haven't had to do that in a loooonnng time though.

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  6. Camy, I was just thinking about this! I also recently offered to do something for an acquaintance. I didn't mind doing it, but it definitely required me to change my plans in order to help them out. But no thank you was uttered. I think gratitude is a form of love, like showing someone you appreciate who they are. When I have kids, you better believe they will be instructed in this form of politeness!

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  7. Hi, Camy. The good news is that each of us can stand out from the crowd with a simple "Thanks." And that's significant, because simple words like "sorry" and "thank you," or even just saying someone's name, make a big difference.

    And on that note, thank you for writing about this. Good post.

    -TimK

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  8. Camy, thank you is always appropriate. With my kids, we start them off with "please" and "thank you" as soon as they start talking, although it comes out more like "peas" or "beas" and "an u" at first.

    But I also know, for myself who hustles and bustles from early AM to late PM every day, that occasionally I forget what my mother taught me. My mind is moving off to the next thing before I finish the last.

    Usually I'll remember that I neglected my manners or a niggling question will make me wonder, in which case I'll back track and ask, "Did I say thank you? If not, I meant too. Thank you much." or simply "Just wanted to thank you for ..."

    So perhaps it was simply an unintentional ommission, unless that person exhibits a pattern of neglect. I'm a big believer in "benefit of the doubt" until evidence suggests otherwise.

    Thanks for an interesting topic!

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  9. Hmm, what a thing to think about. I know I've been guilty of unintentionally forgetting to say thank you, usually when I'm in a busy situation. When it occurs to me later, I'll say it but then again when things are ongoing I forget to say it because I assume the person already knows I'm grateful because I said it before. It also made me wonder if I've recently thanked my friends for being friends. Somehow I don't think so.

    So here's part of it.

    Camy, thank you for all the prayers, love and support over the years. You're a far better friend than I ever deserve, but I value you more than you'll ever know.

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  10. Thank you is not only appropriate, it's considerate and shows respect. I, too, am sorry for the times I have not conveyed my gratitude. YOu are such a sweet, caring, giving person! (yes, I did say SWEET!).

    Hugs!!!!

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  11. Luk 6:30 Give to everyone who asks from you, and from one who takes away your things, don't ask for them back.
    Luk 6:31 Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them.
    Luk 6:32 If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.

    Yeah, I'm still learning too.

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  12. Um, did I thank you for the book?!? 'Cause I'm, like, totally thankful! :-)

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  13. Yeah, I'm kind of a thank you fiend. But I admit that my bff and I have had a deal ever since our kids were babies (and now two each our teens) that we didn't have to send thank yous for presents. Although it's a nec. thing for polite society, we wanted to save each other the trouble. We don't even clean our houses when the other comes over.

    So maybe this friend thinks he/she is your bff? :))

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  14. As a teacher, I think Thank you's are very important and try to send Thank You notes to my students whenever they bring something to show appreciation. It's a big job, especially on holidays, but that's how important I think it is! It's setting an example of gratitude and thanksgiving which is definitely a Biblical principle. ("In EVERYTHING give thanks..." - even to good friends!)
    L.Stewart

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