Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Airplane gripe sheet

Captain’s Log, Stardate 09.05.2006

Blog book giveaway:
My Thursday book giveaway is PINK by Marilynn Griffith.
My Monday book giveaway is BAD HEIRESS DAY by Allie Pleiter.
You can still enter both giveaways. Just post a comment on each of those blog posts. On Thursday, I'll draw the winner for PINK and post the title for another book I'm giving away.

Some humor: I don't know if this is truly from Quantas because I also found this list under Air Force flight crews, but regardless, it's hilarious.

QANTAS Gripe Sheet
25-VIII-2003

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

TMI:

Writing: I’m in the process of figuring out the sequence of events for my novel, and found that the Feminine Hero’s Journey in 45 MASTER CHARACTERS was actually quite helpful. The description of each stage was like a writing prompt, triggering ideas for what could happen at that point in the story. It didn’t seem formulaic at all.

The only complaint I have is that it doesn’t emphasize the rising action and 3 climaxes I’m used to. The rising action, especially, I think is important to a story, so now I need to go through my notes and tweak things to put more at stake at each point.

Diet: I made more shortbread!!! I’m torn between being happy and sad. I did NOT exercise today and I made artery-clogging cookies. And don’t even think the oatmeal in the cookies makes up for the butter, although I did use ¼ less butter. I hope I can get back on track with my exercise—the motivation to Just do it is lacking lately. Same as my ability to gauge proper eating portions.

3 comments :

  1. Airline Maintenance Hilarity? Who knew that was the key to having the fewest recorded flight accidents? Maybe the other airlines should be this funny.

    Made my day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hysterical!

    Had to stop baking chocolate chip cookies myself. Boys will simply have to find alternatives until I can find an alternative to all this weight I carry around!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Camy, that cracked me up! Makes me want to write a comedy about a pilot and his mechanic. Trying to think what kind of lit that would be. (thinking, thinking, typing, deleting). I got nothin'.

    ReplyDelete

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