Thursday, August 26, 2004

Mold me into someone You can use

8/25/04

I actually got writing done yesterday. Praise God! And another wonderful thing that happened was a very affirming, encouraging email from Sharon Hinck about my ms synopsis. HER "Crouching Children, Hidden Laundry" synopsis promises a truly exciting, funny, poignant novel, so I was feeling a bit depressed at my lack of creativity and rather blah plot. But she reviewed my synopsis and liked the story and just in general made me feel like a million bucks. I don't know what I'd do without her holding my hand the entire time. The thing with Sharon is that I can completely trust her. If something doesn't work, she'll definitely tell me, she won't hold back. But if something is good, she makes sure to tell me so that I know what I'm doing right.

I prayed a very important prayer today. Last weekend, my husband and I had gone to Japantown in San Francisco with four of our high school kids from church for a bit of street evangelism. I'm ashamed to admit I really didn't want to go, because work had been tiring and I wanted to rest. God has been convicting me recently that when I prayed for Him to "mold me into someone You can use," I shouldn't try to limit Him on what He'd ask me to do for Him. "Lord, I'll write books for Your glory, but not go street evangelizing with the kids, that's too much to ask of me." So I prayed today for Him to mold me into someone He can use, no matter what task or purpose He has for me. Even if I never get published, even if I can never write full-time, even if I'm destined to remain in the workforce and teach writing craft to others but never be able to do what I love most, which is to write fiction novels. I feel this desire in me for my writing, and a part of me thinks this isn't just my own desire. I think it's also placed there by God. But I have to be humble and willing to do whatever He asks me to turn my hand to, whether it's something I love to do or something I'd rather avoid. My prayer is for a humble and broken heart, so that He can more easily use me for the praise of His glory.

Time for bed! No writing today. I couldn't put PREMONITION down. Maybe tomorrow.

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